Black Friday and Cyber Monday

Deals! Deals! Deals!

Buy this. Buy now.

Limited time only...

Chiiiiiile, bye. These shopping shenanigans stay doing the absolute mostest (and yes, I meant 'mostest'). From Black Friday dipping into Thanksgiving Day and Cyber Monday starting the Saturday before. I know times are tough, the seasons and other things change, but a 'day' is still only a specific 24-hour period. Friday is Friday and Monday is Monday; black, white, online, or off...they don't change.

These shopping holidays [read: gimmick days] are unbelievably entertaining: from the way consumers line up, camp out, and act like raging fools over limited supply, cheaply-priced, about-to-be-phased-out-or-discontinued products to re- and e-tailers trying to lure you into purchases with 'deeply discounted' marketing and advertising. Hi-la-ri-ous!

From the commercials and print advertisements I've seen along with the influx of promotional emails; many of the special sales are pretty much sans special. Far too many are identical repurposed  Friends & Family sales specials from a few weeks prior. I just knew I'd had enough when a luxury retailer send an email advertising their Cyber Monday special as Free Gift-Wrapping. After realizing I would have preferred for them to use the term "complimentary" in lieu of 'free,' I wanted to toss my laptop around the room, but quickly realized that the computers being promoted for the special days had lower specs than my current machine and a higher price tag. No losing to win there.

In short, stop acting like you've never gone shopping before and giving into the hype; retail employees would like to spend time with their families and enjoy the holidays. Shop strategically; it may be promoted as the best sale price, but the lowest price may actually occur at another time. Also, do a cost/time analysis -- will the cost outweigh the amount of time and energy you consumed waiting for stores to open, waiting in lines, and wrangling yourself through hordes of people?

Shopping Seasons's Greetings!

Unemployed People's Problems: Check A Box

Have you ever looked for a job? Any job? A real job? An interesting job? A challenging job? A likeable job? One that's worth-while and worthy of your time? Yeah, it's a process. Yet, while each company's online resume submission tool will likely make you want to toss your laptop, tablet, and universal remote across the room, pull out your hair, duct tape your eyes shut, remove your fingernails, AND scream, there's always that inevitable, "voluntary" survey. 

Yes, that one! The Race/Ethnicity/Equal Opportunity/Disabled/Veteran/Non-Discrimination survey....or, should you prefer it's more lotto-centric, joke amongst some crowd name: The Pick One. Only one.

All are someone interesting, some are wordier than others, and each one makes you wonder: what happens if/when I choose "not to disclose/respond"?

The options below from a section on of the surveys was rather side-eye inducing:

Race:
What is your race? Select one of the following race categories.

	White A person having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, the MiddleEast, or North Africa.
	Black or African American A persons having origins in any of the Black racial groups of Africa.
	Asian A person having origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East, Southeast Asia or the Indian Subcontinent, including, for example, Cambodia, China, India, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Pakistan, The Philippine Islands, Thailand, and Vietnam.
	Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander A person having origins in any of the peoples of Hawaii, Guam, Samoa, or other Pacific Islands.
	American Indian or Alaskan Native A person having origins in any of the original peoples of North and South America (including Central America), and who maintains tribal affiliation or community attachment.
	Two or More Races
	I Choose Not to Respond

Anyone care to play Name That Company?

Hooking Up

Yes. That.

Within the past week alone, it's been the topic of discussion...in a different way than normal; "newsworthy." Yes, I said it...like it's the new hotness. I've read an article's popular on the social media circuit and people are on national television shows discussing it and asking for viewer's thoughts. 

A word to the left behind: Hooking up is not new. Where have y'all been?  Am I missing something or are media notables of the heterosexual community just catching on or feeling comfortable enough to talk about it?

It's old; real old. It's a nuisance. It's been here for so damn long, I believe it's one of the main f***ing (no pun intended) reasons dating and relationships have gone by the wayside. Mass quantity, no responsibility, profit/gain. As the saying goes, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?".

It's bad; real bad. I'm all about change and evolution, but dating and relationships seem to be on the verge of extinction; at least, as they are traditionally known and what's taking its place doesn't even resemble a relationship --- it's like a suit without any lining. Hooking up has been around for so long and has become so popular, it's become the main and first point of conversation of catch-ups amongst friends [let me tell you about my latest victim...I mean conquest...trophy....Let me tell you about whom I did what with], people are doing research studies on it, and it's become a culture: Hookup Culture. That must be like having a mind of its own.

It's not newsworthy. Point blank, period. How do we save society and have people form more interpersonal relationships of substance with each other (not necessarily physical or romantic), as in let's spend some time together and not disrespect or act like we don't know each other once we part ways...THAT is newsworthy. Hell, finding people who still believe in dating and getting to know each other will make a great news story; they are rare. If you can find someone who inquires of your name before trying to kiss you...they should be the next social media or reality tv star.

Overlooked and Understated: What's Not Being Talked About Regarding the Loss of Whitney Houston

It's almost been a year since the day my world stopped; the day we lost a national treasure...a legend...an icon. February 11, 2012. The day Whitney Houston died.

That day, Whitney spread her wings and transcended to be with 'somebody bigger than you and I.' That day, we believe she found the peace, tranquility, and wholesome, unconditional love we hope our loved ones obtain when we lose them. That day marked the beginning of our remembrance of her and her legacy --- her family, friends, and fans mourn...and continue to do so a year later.

That day fed and released the vultures and critics; those who fail (or are too ignorant) to see her for the wonderful person and extraordinary talent she was -- her level of accomplishment and success, her historical achievements, and the millions of lives she's touched around the globe.

In my opinion, coverage and articles about her death have focused more on her personal life and struggles -- as they did through most of her career -- instead of her incomparable and illustrious career. One fan tweeted:

Whitney Houston's story isn't in the drugs her story is in the impact she made on this world even through the worldly devils.
— Troy Story (@mrLdavis) January 29, 2013

I agree. Whitney Houston impacted the world and the lives of millions of people; not to mention the precedence and standard she set for future artists and vocalists. Most of this was accomplished with her voice...and the skill, talent, and know-how to use her instrument.

There are a few things that really upset me and work my nerves related to the coverage and continued coverage of her death; to me, most of these pieces have an unvoiced undertone and feel that would be present if they were covering the life and career of someone whose passing was the result of an overdose. Again, I believe this is a result from the unwavering focus on her issues with drugs. Which brings me to my other matter of contention...

The opportunities for public awareness and education that can grow from elements surrounding Whitney's life and sudden passing.  Whitney's death was ruled to be a result of an accidental drowning. While reports have noted that her toxicology report returned the presence of barbiturates in her system at the time of her death, it was also noted that Whitney had heart disease. You hear about the drugs in the coverage, but how often have you heard about the heart disease?

On the January 28, 2013, episode of Next Chapter, Whitney's mother, Grammy winning Gospel recording artist Cissy Houston, revealed to Oprah Winfrey that Whitney suffered a heart attack, which leads one to assume that resulted in her falling face-first into the bathtub of water. [promo video for the interview below]

Now, I'm not saying that the public awareness and education opportunities I speak of need to be directly tied to Whitney's story, but this is a valid time to educate society and promote healthy lifestyles, healthy living, heart health, and the dangers involved in using drugs.

• Partake in a healthy food diet
• Exercise, have a communicative and healthy relationship with your doctor, and have checkups and visits regularly
• Don't participate in self-destructive behavior and activities; they could have damaging effects one may not realize. Did you know cocaine usage could lead to heart disease? I didn't either...and never would have thought it. The things we learn!
• As the saying goes "Say 'NO' to Drugs"!
• Don't combine drugs (prescription, controlled, over-the-counter, or a combination of the sort) ... unless advised and/or approved by your doctor. When I say "controlled," I mean "illegal."
• Don't mix alcohol and medication [there's a reason those labels are on the bottles], but it's a common practice...far too many people do it.

Don't get it twisted...the points above are my opinions/tips/thoughts on a few things that I think could lead to a healthier lifestyle and a overall better life. I am not a physician and I am not saying these are relevant to or a part of Whitney's story, but I am saying that I think these are things that could be of use and interest to the general public, instead of always being overlooked, understated, or intentionally ignored.

Public education does not always have to be courtesy of a PSA (Public Service Announcement).





Bonus: Be sure to click the "Next Chapter" link in the post; you'll be able to discover what nickname Whitney Houston gave her mother, Cissy Houston.  :-)

In The Woods With Cheet-ahs

Searching for the next conquest...always on the prowl...prey...victims being torn to pieces.

CHEETAHS.

While the beautiful animals who roam in the wild are vicious, I'm talking about their equally powerful and destructive counterparts...men (and women) who cheat on their significant others.

CHEATERS.

Same actions; different emotions, different outcomes.

A cheetah's behavior is one of instinct and based on survival. What explains the behavior of a cheater? Some have argued both instinct and survival. Do I need to point out that I don't buy either; especially the survival?

We've heard of people who done it; some of us know people who've done it, some maybe doing it or have done it. I am not a cheater, I have never cheated; therefore, I'm clueless to the world and life of a cheater. I welcome the enlightenment. Why cheat? What entices or contributes to your actions? What do you get from it; is there a reward? Many are secretive about their cheating endeavors; why? Is there shame? Why not free yourself from your current situation before roaming the land?

I welcome everyone (bystanders, victims, prey, willing participants [that's an entirely different post], etc) to chime in; to those who cheat or have cheated...an open invitation.

Join me at my table...let's discuss.

Giving Up, Turning Loose

Giving up and turning loose is not the same as quitting. Well, it can be...but, don't let it be. The trick is to reevaluate, re-envision, and refocus; direct your energy and efforts in a new direction...the right direction. The direction where you and your best interests are the focus and your happiness is the end goal and destination.

Before you can redirect, you have to know how the current situation makes you feel and affects you within. This is, also, the time to acknowledge that the situation isn't right for you and why it isn't right. It may sound difficult, but easier to do than you think. Be objective about the situation --- take it all in and extract the learning experiences and opportunities --- be present, embrace yourself, affirm what you're getting from the moment, and claim what you want and intend to get.

A few "complete the sentences" to help get you there:

• This isn't working for me, because...
• I want...
• To get it, I will...
• My goal is...
• This entire situation has taught me...

Knowing when to let go is one of the most powerful moments one can experience; it's at this time when you know you've given something your all and have realized that it's not the best for you. This is the moment where you set yourself free; releasing YOU from restraints. Let it go and prepare yourself for what's right for you...rather it be something or someone. Understand and become familiar with what doesn't work for you; that way, you're familiar with them and if you should ever encounter them, again, in your life you'll know to avoid those things (elements, factors, people, etc) and not to waste valuable time dealing with them unnecessarily.

Give it up.
Turn it loose.

Spread your wings.
SOAR.
Get to where you want to be.

Let's Talk About Sex

Sex.
You know it? (I'm hoping for a 'yes.')
You've had it? (Keeping my fingers crossed.)
Good...let's talk about it. Okay, maybe not about IT, but something in relation to it.

Like: why does sex make people lose their damn minds? I'm not talking about game time "I'm in a state of euphoria I can't think straight." I'm talking about pregame, full-blown, kray-kray crazy!

Is it the lack of sex or the hunt for sex that puts people in a whole new, leveled-up element. All of this multiple personalities and fifty shades of nonsense is too much. I can't take it...and the dating world doesn't seem to be handling it well, either.

I'll admit: I've tried pretty much every form of dating and have met folks through all of them. While many of the methods have sucked, so have many of the dates, and most of the people I've gone on dates with, but...I digress.  The most interesting and entertaining aspect of it was stumbling upon a few of those I've gone on dates with on a few of the other platforms.

•  Example: Mama's Big Rusty Baby
• Let's say I'm introduced to Mama's Big Rusty Baby via a friend/coworker; we chat, we connect, we go on a date...I no longer speak to that friend/coworker, change my SSN, move out of state, and have my mail/email marked "undeliverable."  I then run across MBRB at a lounge/bar, at a sporting/social event, and on an online dating site.

Four different environments with MBRB and four different personalities; each belonging to MBRB...all with one goal: sex. Aside from them doing and saying things from another planet and only makes sense to logical sense to them, additional craziness comes about when you try to put all of these personalities together to form one person; each personality has a different mindset, different interests, and different beliefs...and remember it's all the same person. Each encounter puts a blank stare on your face, because you have no idea what to think of this person, while they swear they are being cute, persuasive, irresistible, flattering, and about to get them "some."

What goes on in people's minds when it's clouded with sex? Common sense does not seem to exist when the possibility or pursuit of sex is present. Randy Gage once said, "When you let your sexual thoughts control you, you lose all focus and purpose."

I can kinda see it; people end up all over the place...doing and saying things they really should not be, but think it's all peaches and cream. Even the professional quacks know that you gradually unleash the whackness over a period of time; not all at once or over a two-week time span.

Meanwhile, back in Myville, I'm trying to figure out how to process all of this and still see them as normal. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. It's pretty much an overload...and near impossible. I've given some the benefit of the doubt; only to be reminded that crazy is abundantly available.

At which point and where does one present their true self to someone they are trying to get to know...and have sex with? You know, when do people really put the real them on display and become that comfortable, natural sexy? The real key to getting that mind-blowing sex that really makes you kray-kray for sugary snacks.

Friend(s) vs Friend(ly)

Yes, there's a difference. Do you know it?

As defined by Dictionary.com:

• Friend: [noun] a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
• Friendly: [adjective] characteristic of or befitting a friend; showing friendship

Many people either don't know, fail to realize, or are incapable of exhibiting a solid demonstration of what it takes and means to be a friend; a real friend. Friendships require cultivation, an investment of energy and intimacy (self and trust), and time to grow and blossom. Maintenance is then necessary for it to be sustained. Neither a fort nor a foundation are built overnight; likewise, affection and personal regard for another takes times to build and solidify.

As for being "friendly," most execute these characteristics effortlessly; and don't get me started on those other categories (i.e., acquaintance, associate, that's just someone who...) as those affiliations are accomplished with such precision they are impeccably flawless. To be friendly, all it really takes is a smile, a wave, and possibly the occasional "hello."

Know what you want.
Know what you can give. 
Know what you deserve. 
Know how someone best fits into your life...if at all.

The Christian Grey Effect

Fifty Shades of Grey is still the saucy water-cooler topic of the moment and it's still making people sweat from reading it and blush at the mention of it. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps it is because people assume what it's about before reading it or because people have been living sheltered lives and have been sexually restrained (no pun intended) or inexpressive for far too long. Either way, I pass no judgement. I'm reading the trilogy; or rather, I should say...I'm *still* reading the trilogy. It's a fight and struggle...one I'm desperately ready to overcome.

Don't get me wrong, it's great to see a "romance" novel that reads more like a traditional fiction novel, but I can only take so much boredom. And...hell-to-the-yes...Christian Grey is a dream; with his flaws and all! Yet, while he's making ladies (and some guy-loving men) flip their tops, he's highlighting the many shades of crazy in the men folk. In a way, it's a blessing in disguise as it makes one aware of the BS and nonsense when they see it and know when to walk away.

You know what I'm talking about. Those 'men' who want to call all of the shots, make all of the decisions, and have you do and act as he says in ways that please him.

• The man who wants to talk non-stop and expects you to listen without interrupting (most likely because he doesn't think you have an option of value); yet, he's not saying anything of substance...and likely just tooting his own horn and singing his own praises.
• The man who wants to dictate and determine whom you can have as friends. Opposite-sex friends are a definite NO; despite the fact they have been in your life prior to him and will likely continue to be in your life AFTER him.
• The man who expects you to be conservative in the streets and a freak between the sheets. Wait, isn't that every man?
• My personal favorite, the man who wants you to eat when he eats and what he says to eat. Better known as, the man who orders for you ,but doesn't know what you want. Yes, he's ordering what he wants you to eat. Which could be cool...under some circumstance...but is definitely not hot when he orders you a steak and you're a vegetarian.

Doesn't that sound like the delish and scrumptious Christian Grey, CEO? For the most part, it is. Now, imagine it's the guy sitting across from you. Is he Christian? If he's not, get up and walk away. Don't say anything; just get up...and go. Don't let anyone come into your life with Christian Grey tendencies without delivering the Christian Grey benefits:

• The American Express "Black" card
• Puts thousands of dollars in your account so you will have pocket change
• Turns you inside out, right-side up, and any which way but loose
• Provides a personal trainer and personal shopper for you
• Begs you to spend his money...and smiles when you do
• His eyes only see you

All of the others and their various shades of fxck'ry and fxckedupness...do yourself a favor and send them back to Harry Potter and Dr. Seuss.  

You can do bad all by yourself...and you don't need their craziness to boot.

Online Dating Profiles: What NOT To DO

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and often times we just get too damn much…of nothing; which is the case when it comes to online dating. It’s downright fright-ten-ning! People are crazy; I mean serial-crazy. And the pool of crazy people far too often consist of people who have no intention of giving online dating an honest try because they are skeptical of the entire process, people who “try” online dating because they don’t want to pay for sex, people who have zero social skills and think they can get by and hide online, people who are just crazy and clueless, and the 1% who would be worth getting to know…if only they hadn’t just met someone else or just gotten out of a long term relationship two weeks ago (which leads us to another category of “people who shouldn’t be looking for love, but are).

But enough of that, let’s get to the good stuff…it’s both interesting and helpful. For those who decide they want to register with an online dating site; the below offers great tips on what to/not do. For those who are giving it a whirl, it lets you know what to keep out of your profile and alerts you run far away from people who have this stuff in their profile.

Ready…set…let’s go!

First and foremost: Do NOT register with an online dating service if you aren’t open to the possibility or have no intention of meeting someone in-person/offline. I mean, really, what’s the point?

Do not get confused between a dating site and a sex site; you may see the same people on both sites, but they serve two totally different purposes and mindsets.

Summaries:

Don’t tell ALL of your business; some things are best left unsaid…until the appropriate time – like you’ve been dead for six weeks and the truth is finally starting to be revealed.  I’m kidding, but some things do not need to be shared with someone who’s never actually met you.

That being said, do not write your autobiography, either; keep it brief and intriguing…leave something to talk about later. If your profile looks like it could take someone 20minutes to read, they’ve already lost interest.

Be consistent. If you're going to bend the truth on a subject matter, be consistent with it throughout your profile and throughout the rest of your life; as it will follow you until you decide to let the truth set you free. Let me tell you a story: there was a young guy who selected "Bisexual" as his sexual orientation when he registered his account, he then proceeded to describe himself as a "Straight Jewish Caucasian." It may just be me, but something about that just doesn't sit right with my spirit.

Also, your profile summary is not the place to air out your laundry list of wants, preferences, and demands…keep those for your friends (the real ones).

I’ll reiterate…it’s a summary, NOT your autobiography.

Photos:

     Sadly, online dating is mostly about the physical attraction, so your profile pictures should not be appalling, but appealing. Meaning….DO NOT:

• Post a picture of you in a doctor’s office receiving medical treatment for an injury.  Definitely don’t make it your main picture!
• Post pictures containing other people; especially if they are more attractive. (Blur the faces of others or crop them out completely.) 
• Post bad quality photos: dark, from a distance, grainy, only shows a portion of your face (if at all)…all of these indicate you are trying to hide something and a sane person should stay far away from you.  In addition, NO NUDITY! 
• Post pictures that are embarrassing, bizarre, awkward, or down-right questionable. Pictures can show personality, but use some discretion and sound judgment. 
• Display a picture of an ex with the caption: I have had successful relationships in the past; references available upon request.  Most relationships are successful…until they FAIL. 
• Share a sole picture of your grandmother on your dating profile without an extremely valid explanation. 
• Post pictures of you being intimate with others. 
• Showcase pictures of you in your underwear if: 1) they are dirty 2) they are drooping/sagging/stretched out 3) you have grandchildren and/or adult-aged children.
• Caption each of your photos beginning with the words: Here we are... Especially, if you're the only person in the photo.

Side note: It may, also, not be the wisest or most effective thing to wear a shirt that says “I [heart] Black People” … if you’re not Black.

Usernames:

People seem to lose their damn minds here; or think they are being cute and/or creative. GET HELP PEOPLE!

Some I’ve seen that just say “NO” or are counter-productive/ineffective:

Ashy_like

JustLooking

TryAgain (I totally wanted to say “Why bother? Game over!”

HuskySexyCool (if you’re on an online dating site, you are too damn grown to be using the word ‘husky’ to describe yourself)

"I'm Busy" is Illegal Tender

Maybe it's just another one of my "standards" (and you better have some) things, but I accept Visa, American Express (Black Card accepted with open arms), and on the rare occasion; Mastercard (with proper photo identification). So, tell me...why do people (especially those who try to get up all in my kitchen drooling to lick the batter from my bowl) look at me like I'm stuck-on-stupid when I tell them their "I'm busy" (or some other whack or weak variation of it) excuse is unacceptable?

Chile, bye! Get your life together...and do not come at me with foolishness!

You can only be too bus for so long; it's all about proper and effective time management. More than likely, it would only take a brief moment (you know...an instant) to do whatever you are dreading or to grow a set (as in "confidence") to say what you really should be saying.

No one is too busy to do something they want or need to do. Now, let that sit, marinate, and percolate.

Too busy? Dust yourself off, try again, and come correctly. I'm not having it; period, full stop.

*note: this applies for when "I'm busy" is used far too often and has gone beyond a reasonable length of time. Depending on the circumstances, anything over a week is beyond a reasonable duration of time...in my opinion.

Why Does The National Anthem Put People On The Attack?

Never before have I seen something (ok, maybe the topics of abortion and homosexuality) put people on the attack as quickly as a performance of The Star Spangled Banner that isn't sung in the "traditional" manner. Side note: as many times as the anthem has been sung and how often we hear it, I'm sure many now consider the traditional arrangement 'boring as hell' and considerably 'overdone.'

Furthermore, it's 2012; practically everyone is trying to stand out from the crowd and make their own mark (or make it bigger and bolder, if they've already made their mark), so why would someone do something that everyone has already been done? That's nothing special and it damn sure isn't hot.

Steven Tyler delivered a rendition at today's AFC Championship (The Hollywood Reporter post); and of course, people were bitching and complaining before he even finished...and you know the song isn't but so long. He goofed on one word, but it easily played into his performance and pretty much went unnoticed. No complaints. The pitchforks came out in droves for his vocal arrangement; it seems as if many (including this person, who only posted because Tyler's performance "wasn't awesome (in a good way)". You know I'm seriously rolling my eyes. Do we honestly have nothing to complain about besides someone not adhering to a vocal arrangement that may or may not fit their vocal style? Steven Tyler is a Rock star; his rendition was as close to traditional as it's going to get...and it wasn't that far off. Anything closer would have been like asking a mime to sing a Mariah Carey arrangement. Yep, that wouldn't have been right, either.

We have other issues to be more concerned and vocal about: declining morals and values in our society, how I'm going to turn my regular-size closet into a walk-in closet, and declining grammar skills ... point in case, this one Steven Tyler critic: "What a disgrace! Why doesn't the NFL get someone who can actually sing it correct, like Reba!" Yes, on that sour note, I am going to begin "shaking my damn head" now, as I prepare to walk away from this piece.

I swear, each majorly televised performance of The Star Spangled Banner brings out the critics and sparks conversations about the "best" performances to date and the "most failed." Seriously, people? Do better!

By now, we should all know good and well that you can't please everyone and people are never satisfied. I definitely know this, but still want people to do better and improve.

Over 20 years later, this is still my favorite performance of The Star Spangled Banner; I think it's the best, too.

Summer of Him

The Summer is winding down; and it has been a scorcher. I hope the heat heat didn't get you caught up in the Summer of Him, as the heat can have its effects. For all of those for whom it applies (ladies and fellas), when I say 'caught up,' I mean at this point you need NOT have become a himaholic (when you are all wrapped up in a guy and your world revolves around him...breakfast, lunch, dinner, social activities, and your weekend getaway) or have become dickmatized. Yes, I said it...and you know what it means. It's when you crave it, always want it, gotta have it, can't get enough of it, and down on your knees begging for it. Extreme! Do I even need to say "that ain' cute"? I hope not, as there is no man and no game...that good.

Don't get it twisted and jumbled, these two words can apply to everyday "relationships," as well; it's not just about the summertime heat and shenanigans. Himaholic and dickmatized go great together; don't you just love it? Breaking it down...it's when you're all caught up on him and you're only getting the goods....and nothing else. No love...no affection...zero compassion; just unearthly, mind-blowing sexual satisfaction. While it's fun and unbelievably enjoyable; it's a major waste of time. Even 'friends with benefits' want more than they realize. Recognize what you're worth and what you have to offer. Get yours and take it to the next level; be all that you can be. #KnowYourWorth Yes, I hash-tagged it...hate on me, now. :-p

Special thanks and shout-outs to song-sirens Kelly Price and Jill Scott for edumacating us on himaholics and dickmatized; respectively.

Friend Me

Social network overload. I declare it, now: it's going to be the next leading cause of increases in prescriptions...especially for medications related to anxiety treatment.

Friend me. Follow me. Circle me. Link me. Skype me. Buy me.

How about 'just leave me alone' as I can only imagine what people will try to do to me next: ______ me! It's too much! I can't...or don't want to...keep up. Instead of bringing people closer together, it seems as if another social network could lead to the unraveling of society (okay, communication within that society) as we know it. People are already dumbing-down and losing a major sense of decency, acceptability, self-respect, and courteousness.

All of these networks and their associated games are time consuming; I won't mention that most of them compete with each other instead of compliment each other. Companies are deliberately doing this; another sign of greed and wanting to conquer the world solo instead of united. How many of these things do we need??? I mean...really? Friendster (not sure if it's actually still around, but it pretty much started it all); MySpace (does anyone still use it?); Facebook (no commentary necessary); Twitter (bigger and better than people expected; a definite standout from the others); Google+ (just getting started, so we'll see what happens), LinkedIn (going strong, but many still don't utilize it properly), EmpireAvenue (kinda works with the others, but still requires a LOT of time on its own, but the payoff doesn't correspond to the time spent...in my opinion).

When I say time spend and payoff...consider...with all of these networks and the time spent on each; is it worth it? What is the significant and what have you gained: staying in touch with family/friends? Meet new and interesting people (and of those are they of any value/interest to your life? Some have managed to take these sites to the next step and find jobs (other networks besides LinkedIn) and to meet people for dates and hookups. I haven't figured that one out, yet, but I'm sure it requires some serious tactics and some seriously creative social networking game.

Now, while social networks generally allow for you to "friend" someone under certain conditions and circumstances; I generally think it is a good rule of thumb to know someone before you accept/approve/link/follow/circle/etc them. Dangers lurk on the internet and crazy things can and will continue to happen. Safety first!

Back to what I originally said...I guess we'll have to wait and see what's next; but, please note...I can only take so much!

Before I Say 'I Do'

There's a LOT to be done. And I don't mean...selecting a caterer, planning the menu, finding suitable and elegant favors, arranging the seating chart, not strangling the wedding planner, hiring a florist, or deciding between a venue or a destination. Honey, that's easy...child's play. Even the wedding band is decided (amuse yourselves, check them out here). The hardest work to be done is finding an eligible, compatible, sane, and employed (or at least employable) candidate; you know, that "one" worthy of becoming your partner [and lover] (for life). It's such a daunting task; it's like four people's jobs in one.

Why is it so hard...and what are we going to do? People were 'waiting to exhale' in 1992; by now, I'm sure many have died from asphyxiation, and are all awaiting a rebirth (of the dating scene). Forget a man-cleanse; when it's forced and non voluntary, the dating society needs a rainstorm...a monsoon.

I had a conversation with one of my older cousins recently; we discussed a wide variety of things...but definitely touched on men and dating. She said (more or less) it was bad during her time, but she managed to have a good time. She added that she didn't know what me and my generation are going to do..."there's absolutely nothing; it's terrible." The whole time I was pretty much thinking: "Girl, you're preaching to the choir. Cause I know." Well, there is a WHOLE LOT of crazy out there ! And in many forms; most unimaginable and not worthy of entertaining. Not included in that are those who don't have their lives together, but should have established order years ago. After that, what's left?

Very little, that's what. And from there you still have to do the background check, credit check, blood tests, investigate family medical and mental history, social scene placement, and how the candidate interacts with key family members and friends, and resume reviews and reference checks. Let's not forget The Illusionists; those who look and seem readily available and qualified, until you learn their real story. These are typically those who are: just stepping out of the closet [eye roll], enjoy being single [another eye roll], have no idea what they want (i.e., friends or maybe more) [these you just walk away from; nothing said], recently out of a long-term relationship/marriage, wrapped up in feelings for an ex [these you run away from...QUICKLY], someone you've dated before and it didn't work [blank stare], or your basic quintessential loser.

Now, do you see what I mean when I say there is A LOT to do before the wedding? Just finding the one you want (and can be able to) marry is a bit much. We also have to vet through those who think they are qualified (some even have the audacity to think "overqualified"); perhaps, if we could classify them (or even better if they could classify themselves) in to the following groups; it would make it all A LOT easier, more efficient, productive, and straight to the point.

*Categories:
Not You
Never You
I'd Have To Be Drunk And On Drugs To Choose You
You Failed Before I Started Looking
You Never Happened
Do I Know You?
I Have Never Seen You Before In My Life Lets Not Start Now

A lot of the people who fit these categories are irresponsible, immature, play too many games, don't have their lives in order, afraid of commitment, don't have respect for themselves and/or other people, and lack dating knowledge and skill. Meaning, they have no idea as to how to date and get to know someone. That's a lot to put up with; it's exhausting!

As you can see, dating ain' cute or easy. So, before I can say "I do," I need to find someone to say it to. This, is where the real work begins!


Note: A friend and I generated these categories (and a few others not listed); if you fit into any of these categories or can categorize someone within one...it's not a good thing.

PSA: Brand New

Don't try to act "brand new" when you're tired, worn, and raggedy as hell; train wrecks are not cute. #BehaveAppropriately

This Time Around?

I know many have said it before. Hell, I've said it myself a few times: I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday; no, I wouldn't change anything I've done in my life because it wouldn't be me. I get this. I, also, get that some people say it just to speak...they have no idea what they are saying but figure they sound 'deep'. (eye roll) {whatever} Now, what if you were given the opportunity to do something over, again; you know, a second time around. And not because of something you did wrong, but because someone else goofed-up and acted a fool. This is another opportunity for them. An opportunity to either do right by you or to screw you over, again. Would you do it?

A lot of people fail to get and understand this, but I'm one of those people that if you piss me off, I'll willingly, gladly, and before you can even think of it...burn the bridge and blow away the ashes. My philosophy is: if you can strike a match, be able to handle the fire.

So, you know good and well I was beyond surprised when a former co-star reached out to reconnect and came with an admission that they weren't very nice to me. After I moved away from the "floored" look, I was stuck contemplating how to pose the question: are you dumb or just really stupid?

And of course, since music is my life, Janet Jackson's "You Want This" enters my mind: "you want this, but do you really think that you could get this? At first you dissed this now you want to kiss this?" I know you're like me, ready to shake your hip, to the booty slap, and yell "too late...you missed this."

Once that door is opened...all the questions come flying in: what do you want? Why are you here? Why now? If you didn't want me then, what makes you think I want you now? Can I trust you? Can we get along without retaliation? Start over, again?

I'm always growing, improving, and evolving; in constant change (for the better); if it wasn't right then, how is it supposed to be right now? You either have an agenda or you're on a mission; and don't even think I'm about to be your distraction. Homey doesn't play that...AT ALL (unless you have a profitable agenda of your own).

I don’t do any day, any time, or any place. Get it right the first time and quit wasting time. I'm more of a one-time only; come right or stay home kind of guy.

I'll think about it this time around; but, maybe next time.

Cover

WAKE UP! It's time to throw back the covers, plant your feet on the floor, stand up, and look around. Sleeping too long can cause you to rush out of bed and overlook important signs. Are you the only one sleeping with your man? It may be time to blow the cover and see the situation in its bare nakedness; and either check your man or milk it for what it's worth.

While the interest in relationships seems to have disintegrated to hell, the belief and act of committed relationships and the adherence to marriage vows seem to disappearing along with it. It's 2011; technology is progressing, but people aren't socially or emotionally. People are still afraid to show, express, and stand up for who they really are. The DL (Down-Low) life is so old and stale, I just knew it wasn't relevant; but, it somehow morphed into a 'politically-correct-homosexual-all-encompassing' "men who sleep with men." Now, it seems to me, a majority of the men (and other men like them) who were sheepishly using that description are now describing themselves as "straight," but still engaging in not-even-close-to-straight (sexual) behavior and activities.

Ladies, I'm going to help you out...these are your boyfriends and your husbands; many of whom, I'm sure, if you're paying attention to them have some (remote) idea or inclination as a lot of these men aren't as concealed as they believe themselves to be. Ideas to ponder and look for: Is he hard to reach when you're out of town, randomly going places with "one of the boys" at odd times, have a new best male friend appear out of nowhere, or have a close male friend who's wife/girlfriend you've never met (or who's wife/girlfriend you end up spending more time with than you want because the men are always putting the two of you together)? It may be time to get rid of the cover. I see and hear about this stuff far too often; it's sickening and maddening. Many of these men are smart with their slickness but aren't smart enough to know the difference between "discreet" and "discrete." Discreet is now synonymous with deceit, dishonesty, and drama. Neither of which I do or tolerate.

So...COVER, or better yet: what's going on underneath [no punctuation mark]; I'm leaving it open so you can decide for yourself: 1) Is there something going on underneath? 2) Something is going on underneath. Which ever you decide, the "cover" has been on too long and the time has come to blow the top and see the situation in its bare nakedness; act now...before something hits home. It may not be your man keeping you warm at night; but, instead, something from your man..

Ladies, get your girls together; it's time for a movie night! Pop some corn and gather around the couch with a few bottles of wine. The movie to see if Bill Duke's "Cover." Marriage. Betrayal. Secrets...and Lies.



To those men who are hating on me and disliking what I've written about this craziness, I say screw you. If you're man enough to like dick, you should be man enough to live up to it and come out of the closet. No one's holding you back but yourself.

Cherish

Life is precious. Life is valuable. Life is not always kind, but Life is what we make of it.

Why is it that we as a people in today's world get lost in the hustle and bustle of daily nonsense, technology advancement, and career and social over- drive/kill; yet we never take time to indulge in and enjoy the priceless presents we are blessed to receive during our lifetime? Family, friends, lovers, sensational coworkers, love (in general and romantic terms), priceless moments, and random acts of kindness ... all precious gifts in life, yet we never seize the opportunity to enjoy the present (as in present time). As the saying goes, "Life is a gift; enjoy the present."

Given today's society where things (fatal things; life-changing things) can happen in an unexpected and unplanned instance, I'm amiably trying to encourage folks to take time to enjoy and appreciate the gifts of life and to cherish those moments and times where we're happy and filled with bliss. Yes, those vary moments we often overlook and regret once all opportunities are forever taken away from us. Cherish and enjoy each second to the maximum capacity; as that could be the last second you ever get to experience that happy moment.

Stop procrastinating! No putting off for tomorrow what can be done today (tomorrow may never make it to today). No more putting trivial and professional before personal and pleasurable. No more "oh, I'll do it next time." Next Time may never arrive.

Seize the day!
Live in the moment!
Embrace right now!
Be present in the present!
Cherish forever and always!!!

Let's Be Friends

WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? "Let's be friends" ... and is it followed by a question mark or a period? One can never tell. Personally, I wish people would forget the games and passiveness and just say what is on their minds. It's 2011 for crying out loud; can we all please man-up and get it together? Geesh.

Let's. Be. Friends. Those three words that are intended to imply that romantic interest is not present; at least, not for the party speaking the words. We all should be adults about our grown-up situations and take the bull by the horns; just let it be known that the present situation (whatever it may be) isn't working and each party should go their ways. Spare the friendship -ish, because you know you don't want to be friends, anyway; it's just not going to happen. Besides, have you ever asked one of your true friends if the two of you could be friends? (Pause...let that one marinate and percolate.) I didn't think so. That would be real strange, right? Someone you would designate as crazy and run as far and as fast away from as you possibly could. Remember this the next time you hear someone (special?) say, "Let's be friends." Run like the wind; they don't want to be friends and they don't know how to be friends.

I confess; I have heard the words before. So, I spoke from experience when I said "they don't actually want to be friends" and "they don't know how to be a friend." Yes, I have wasted a few valuable moments of my life on "friends" I should not have; which is why I am sharing this with you...ok, more like warning you. Don't make me have to come back and say "I told you so." You know I'll do it; nicely [grin], but I'll do it.

Now, the dispenser of these words is likely to be an intimate cohort. If the intimate situation isn't working out; the chances of a real friendship working out aren't that attractive, either. I think it's one thing if you're friends first, evolve into some sort of romantic situation, and then you realize the fire isn't there so you downgrade and return to being friends. That, could work...riiiiight? Better chance there a starting out higher (more than platonic) and downgrading. If you can't handle the original position you applied for; this company may not be for you. Go forward; not backwards.

Deborah Cox and R. L. sang about a similar situation in one of my favorite songs, "We Can't Be Friends." Deborah did her thang and kept it simple and to-the-point: "We can't be friends." She fell a little short, as she was still in love with her former Boo, but I give her props for taking charge and handling the situation. Hold up your hand, stop the presses, and put yourself first; spare yourself the drama and the pain.





With this video in mind, Deborah and I are pretty much alike...aside from the fact she can sing and I; well, I can entertain. The next time someone gives you these few words, stand up and tell them like it is Get missing! Keep it moving! And don't come back.

"Let's be friends" {question mark}
"Oh, hell to the no" {period; full stop}