My Journey to the Alter

When: December 2013

What: The realization that friends were getting married. Friends were moving away. Friends were making and birthing babies. Friends. Not me.

Thanksgiving was a dinner for one. Christmas was celebrated on the couch. The new year was brought in while watching The Bodyguard -- I always love my moments with Rachel Marron (Whitney Houston) and Frank Farmer (Kevin Costner), but this seems to have become tradition. I'm not mad about it, but it is a tradition that could possibly be enhanced by sharing it with a special someone. Possibly; provided they don't smack, chew with their mouth open, or chat (God forbid snore) during the movie.

I, also, realized that a Gentleman-Of-Interest (GOI) typically enters my life every other year. 2013 was the year, but it didn't happen. That added fuel to a friend's argument that it was time for me to get boo'd-up on the penthouse level. Enter...Married By New Year's.

As one of my all-time favorite movie quotes sums it up:

"I'm not your average 24 year old girl who's waiting to sit around and count the days. I'm 33...and I still look good!" - Whitney Houston as Savannah Jackson (Waiting To Exhale)

My ultimate 2014 social adventure: 365 days to find Mr. Right (For Me) and get married. 12 days in and it's already a journey; an interesting one nonetheless. I love that it's inspiring me to me more active and present in meeting new people; it's also causing me to sit and think about the small aspects of dating and socializing that people often neglect -- like body language and signs of openness.

Feel free to follow me on my journey, offer suggestions and tips, and introduce me to some eligible bachelors.

2014...we're doing this!

Keep Up With The Journey:
Married By New Year's Blog
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Before I Say 'I Do'

There's a LOT to be done. And I don't mean...selecting a caterer, planning the menu, finding suitable and elegant favors, arranging the seating chart, not strangling the wedding planner, hiring a florist, or deciding between a venue or a destination. Honey, that's easy...child's play. Even the wedding band is decided (amuse yourselves, check them out here). The hardest work to be done is finding an eligible, compatible, sane, and employed (or at least employable) candidate; you know, that "one" worthy of becoming your partner [and lover] (for life). It's such a daunting task; it's like four people's jobs in one.

Why is it so hard...and what are we going to do? People were 'waiting to exhale' in 1992; by now, I'm sure many have died from asphyxiation, and are all awaiting a rebirth (of the dating scene). Forget a man-cleanse; when it's forced and non voluntary, the dating society needs a rainstorm...a monsoon.

I had a conversation with one of my older cousins recently; we discussed a wide variety of things...but definitely touched on men and dating. She said (more or less) it was bad during her time, but she managed to have a good time. She added that she didn't know what me and my generation are going to do..."there's absolutely nothing; it's terrible." The whole time I was pretty much thinking: "Girl, you're preaching to the choir. Cause I know." Well, there is a WHOLE LOT of crazy out there ! And in many forms; most unimaginable and not worthy of entertaining. Not included in that are those who don't have their lives together, but should have established order years ago. After that, what's left?

Very little, that's what. And from there you still have to do the background check, credit check, blood tests, investigate family medical and mental history, social scene placement, and how the candidate interacts with key family members and friends, and resume reviews and reference checks. Let's not forget The Illusionists; those who look and seem readily available and qualified, until you learn their real story. These are typically those who are: just stepping out of the closet [eye roll], enjoy being single [another eye roll], have no idea what they want (i.e., friends or maybe more) [these you just walk away from; nothing said], recently out of a long-term relationship/marriage, wrapped up in feelings for an ex [these you run away from...QUICKLY], someone you've dated before and it didn't work [blank stare], or your basic quintessential loser.

Now, do you see what I mean when I say there is A LOT to do before the wedding? Just finding the one you want (and can be able to) marry is a bit much. We also have to vet through those who think they are qualified (some even have the audacity to think "overqualified"); perhaps, if we could classify them (or even better if they could classify themselves) in to the following groups; it would make it all A LOT easier, more efficient, productive, and straight to the point.

*Categories:
Not You
Never You
I'd Have To Be Drunk And On Drugs To Choose You
You Failed Before I Started Looking
You Never Happened
Do I Know You?
I Have Never Seen You Before In My Life Lets Not Start Now

A lot of the people who fit these categories are irresponsible, immature, play too many games, don't have their lives in order, afraid of commitment, don't have respect for themselves and/or other people, and lack dating knowledge and skill. Meaning, they have no idea as to how to date and get to know someone. That's a lot to put up with; it's exhausting!

As you can see, dating ain' cute or easy. So, before I can say "I do," I need to find someone to say it to. This, is where the real work begins!


Note: A friend and I generated these categories (and a few others not listed); if you fit into any of these categories or can categorize someone within one...it's not a good thing.

((M+M) + (W+W)) x NY = What's Next?

Now that my fellow same-sex loving New Yorkers can legally (30 days after the signing of the bill?) state those vows and say "I do"....What's next? I'm concerned; very concerned.

I imagine, in the beginning and over the course of a year, an influx of people to the state of New York to get married and an impressive amount of NY'ers legally declaring their love for their partners. With that, I wonder how much of the stereotypes will come true and if the anticipated staggering amounts of revenue will really begin to be generated.

Stereotypes including ginormous, extravagant, and lavish weddings...which will likely be more like major, headlining events; as you know...[a lot of my people] have a tendency to be "extra," attention-grabbing, and straight-up over-the-fabulous-top! In the entertainment/television industry, I can only imagine how many same-sex wedding (and wedding planner) reality shows will be pitched next week and which will be the first network to get a show on the air. If the gay Sexy and the City 2 wedding [video]was any inclination as to what we have to look forward to, this is going to be an interesting and blinding journey. A few friends and I have discussed how outlandish this could be; we know there will be some vying to out-do the next with extremeness and over-the-top gaudiness...and we all know that usually equates to tacky-squared. The Battle for the Biggest/Best Gay Wedding is on! IMAGINE!!! And within NYC, "pop-ups" are the new it thing: stores/shops, restaurants; just to name a few. If I see any pop-up wedding alters, I promise you I'm going to scream like a banshee....and dare somebody to Facebook or YouTube the video.



While I hate to play the devil's advocate (but you know I gladly will), let's not forget that (unfortunately) with same-sex weddings will come the same-sex divorces. Forget reality tv...for these moments, I anticipate books and feature films! You know we can be some greedy, vengeful, ruthless, and fierce b*@ches when crossed, so when we're fighting each other...blockbuster fireworks. The spite, the hate, the you-did-me-wrongs.....chiiiiile, heterosexuals haven't seen a nasty divorce, yet. (Somebody pop me some popcorn!) Cannot wait to see who starts World War 6 (Sir Elton John? Ricky Martin? Ellen DeGeneres? Some local NYer we don't know but will wish were our best friend?)! Sadly [inserted to show a little tenderness and public concern and compassion], I do envision a higher divorce rate among same-sex marriages (especially in the beginning), because I believe many will make the journey to Marriedland because we can, to be one of the firsts, and for all the wrong reasons (i.e., not knowing their partner well enough, not loving themselves first, and not knowing REAL love).

Alas, que sera sera....we and many others will be watching.

For those of you are wondering about me and my wedding, I hope you've read "Before I Say 'I Do'".