Before I Say 'I Do'

There's a LOT to be done. And I don't mean...selecting a caterer, planning the menu, finding suitable and elegant favors, arranging the seating chart, not strangling the wedding planner, hiring a florist, or deciding between a venue or a destination. Honey, that's easy...child's play. Even the wedding band is decided (amuse yourselves, check them out here). The hardest work to be done is finding an eligible, compatible, sane, and employed (or at least employable) candidate; you know, that "one" worthy of becoming your partner [and lover] (for life). It's such a daunting task; it's like four people's jobs in one.

Why is it so hard...and what are we going to do? People were 'waiting to exhale' in 1992; by now, I'm sure many have died from asphyxiation, and are all awaiting a rebirth (of the dating scene). Forget a man-cleanse; when it's forced and non voluntary, the dating society needs a rainstorm...a monsoon.

I had a conversation with one of my older cousins recently; we discussed a wide variety of things...but definitely touched on men and dating. She said (more or less) it was bad during her time, but she managed to have a good time. She added that she didn't know what me and my generation are going to do..."there's absolutely nothing; it's terrible." The whole time I was pretty much thinking: "Girl, you're preaching to the choir. Cause I know." Well, there is a WHOLE LOT of crazy out there ! And in many forms; most unimaginable and not worthy of entertaining. Not included in that are those who don't have their lives together, but should have established order years ago. After that, what's left?

Very little, that's what. And from there you still have to do the background check, credit check, blood tests, investigate family medical and mental history, social scene placement, and how the candidate interacts with key family members and friends, and resume reviews and reference checks. Let's not forget The Illusionists; those who look and seem readily available and qualified, until you learn their real story. These are typically those who are: just stepping out of the closet [eye roll], enjoy being single [another eye roll], have no idea what they want (i.e., friends or maybe more) [these you just walk away from; nothing said], recently out of a long-term relationship/marriage, wrapped up in feelings for an ex [these you run away from...QUICKLY], someone you've dated before and it didn't work [blank stare], or your basic quintessential loser.

Now, do you see what I mean when I say there is A LOT to do before the wedding? Just finding the one you want (and can be able to) marry is a bit much. We also have to vet through those who think they are qualified (some even have the audacity to think "overqualified"); perhaps, if we could classify them (or even better if they could classify themselves) in to the following groups; it would make it all A LOT easier, more efficient, productive, and straight to the point.

*Categories:
Not You
Never You
I'd Have To Be Drunk And On Drugs To Choose You
You Failed Before I Started Looking
You Never Happened
Do I Know You?
I Have Never Seen You Before In My Life Lets Not Start Now

A lot of the people who fit these categories are irresponsible, immature, play too many games, don't have their lives in order, afraid of commitment, don't have respect for themselves and/or other people, and lack dating knowledge and skill. Meaning, they have no idea as to how to date and get to know someone. That's a lot to put up with; it's exhausting!

As you can see, dating ain' cute or easy. So, before I can say "I do," I need to find someone to say it to. This, is where the real work begins!


Note: A friend and I generated these categories (and a few others not listed); if you fit into any of these categories or can categorize someone within one...it's not a good thing.