I've done it. You've done it. We're all guilty of doing it; Operation Virginity Loss...complete. We have all tossed (no, not a 'salad.' Don't even go there; it's not that kind of post); we have all tossed out "just" like it's yesterday's dish water as a way of illustrating our point of something being a matter of simplicity or meaningless to us. We often toss it out paired with words it should rarely be paired with; words where the minimization maximizes the impact by overlooking a key component or taking others into consideration.
*"'Just sex?' That's the convention, isn't it, these days? Sex has become one of those words you can put just in front of. Anything else you'd like to minimize at this time, Sarah? Just unfaithfulness? Just betrayal? Just breaking my fucking heart?"
These days we seek to minimize the impact, consequences, and seriousness of our actions by adding "just" into our justifications. Actions like sex used to matter, carry weight, and was taken seriously. As time continues to pass and we as a people become more involved in our own selfish actions and consumption and let technology and convenience dictate our lives, our moves, and heavily influence our interests and common sense, we lose focus on matters and values we once held dear. We're becoming a nonchalant society. We're becoming lazy. We're almost delusionally selfish (I think I just made that up, but go with me).
It's just sex.
It's just infidelity.
It's just betrayal.
It's just that I'm in love with someone else.
It was just a blow job.
Ummm....No! It was not 'just' anything, it was A LOT more than you're making it out to be; you know this, I know this, hell...everyone knows this. "Just" is a confirmation and modifier of guilt. Don't be a fool; be considerate.
You "just" need to:
- Wake up
- Get a clue
- Accept responsibility for your actions
- Bare the consequences
- Get your life
#ImJustSayin'.
*Selection from Little Bee by Chris Cleave (p. 167, [copyright 2008]).
I know I've said this before, but you know when something's so-right, you have to say it, again. It's frightening how most men (homosexual, heterosexual, or a combination of the two) insist on repeatedly demonstrating ways to prove (or significantly reinforce the opinions of others) that they:
- Are no-good, lieing, cheating dogs
- Are crazy as hell
- Have lost their damn minds
...and not necessarily in that particular order! Seriously, come on people...let's get it together; do better. Much better!
Point-in-case, the most recent dingbat (Dingbat # TooManyI'veStoppedCounting)...felt the need to call repeatedly; and never left a message. Did it ever occur to him I couldn't answer the phone...or in this case, didn't hear it ringing as the phone was on silent? (Probably not. See...he's special; or as I like to call it...'crazy as hell.') So, we finally connect...WHAT DO YOU WANT??? He was available and was just calling to see if I wanted to go out...catch a movie or something. IT'S 10PM...EASTERN! HELL-TO-THE-NO!!!
What's wrong with people? What possessed him to think I was going to drop what I was doing (relaxing my nerves and soul) to go out with him...last minute? How dare he have the audacity to think he's special enough for me to jump because he's "available." (See...'done lost his damn mind.') I've only met 2.5 people in my life who would make me even consider jumping at a moment's notice...and I probably still wouldn't do it. Standards, people. Get some. Stick to them.
This is not the first person or the first "gentleman" this has happened with; obviously has me confused with someone else. Please note: I am not your average 17 year old (or sad 34 year old) who's willing and anxiously sitting around counting tweets or waiting for you to FaceBook or text them. I'm 21...with a few years' experience. I'm busy; out and about living my life and doing my own thang. Catch me if you can.
Note: I know I didn't touch on #1, but it's covered in far too many other posts. Besides, it's self-explanatory and we see it far too often. Stay tuned...it'll be around, again.
I don't know what the curse is exactly, but I wear it well. Eye-catching. Traffic-stopping. I work it! I have no clue as to what it is, but I should probably get rid of it; it attracts the wrong crowd.
Married/Partnered
Long-term unemployed/unemployable
Closeted (it's 2010 people!)
Crazy
Not exactly what I would call attractive
Truth stretchers and embellishers
Old (-er than me; significant age difference)
And those who need to know better
Many are outrageously clueless. I mean, really, if you're brave enough to step up to the plate, be brave enough to play the game. And smart enough to keep up. "Fierce" and "fabulous" aren't just colorful words we toss around to paint pictures in heads; they are weighted and carry a meaning. They discreetly convey information about the traits and characteristics of someone. Be ready for it. Be strong enough to manage it. Be suave enough to keep up.
Nothing kills me more than those who come unprepared and can't play the game. If you can't hit the ball, don't step up to the plate.
My swagga is powerful; no amateurs, please.
I feel so bad. I hadn't realized my last post was in June; that's too months ago. I've been busy, but that is still not an acceptable excuse. I have managed to draft a few posts, but still never took the time to finalize them. Trifling.
One should always take the time to do what one wants to do, what one enjoys, and what in which one holds an interest. As in dating, I don't take the "I've been busy" excuse. My response is always 'get your life in order.' You always make time for what you want to do.
I challenge you. Twice a week (meaning, twice within a 7 day period), seize some time to do something that you WANT to do. It doesn't have to be something that you NEED to do, but something that you just want to do. It'll probably bring more pleasure if it's a want instead of a need. Earmark your time and claim it; "This moment is mine."
On top of enjoying life more and bringing joy to our on lives, we need to realize and always remember that our lives and times are precious. We know we have 'right now,' but what about afterward? There are too many unpredictable elements capable of altering and changing the future; things that are uncontrollable to us. Don't procrastinate. Act!
This moment is mine...when is yours?
We all enjoy repeat performances:
- A good song -- the way it touches your spirit and ignites your soul. The way it makes you want to burst into song, dance, or tears.
- A favorite episode of a TV show or watching a favorite movie over and over, again.
- A solid or classic Broadway play.
- Good sex. Okay, it's not likely to be exactly the same, but it can still be equally enjoyable.
But...an ex? You know...one of those it ended with for a reason: you left them, they left you, someone did something or someone --or something with someone -- they should not have. Or a bunch of other reasons. Either way, it's over...done and done...in the past.
Yet, going back to an ex appears to be popular these days. The current dating climate seems to be making the past look attractive...from a distance. Far too many of those who return to that former flame seem to make a quick u-turn as they quickly discover they've returned to a pile of ashes, as nothing's changed; the issues that were once prevalent remain present...and often times worse. As they say, 'same script, same cast....a revival.'
What's supposed to make it better the second time around? Realize...there's a reason (and usually an awfully good reason) why it failed in the first place. The idea is to learn from the bad experiences and move FORWARD...to something better. Grow and Go! GROW from the knowledge you gain from experiences and GO forward to better things that fit the educated you.
We've given so much weight to three tiny words; mere words comprised of 8 letters, 3 syllables, and 2 spaces within 1 sentence. Words that essentially lack power, yet...they plague us with questions: is it too early to say it? Does it make me seem foolish or desperate? Will the feeling be reciprocated? Or will I be ignored or rejected?
These aren't even the BIG three words: I Love You; but, their smaller cousin.
I firmly believe in expressing myself to someone once I know my feelings are true and organic. I don't say stuff just to hear myself speak or to fill empty space. I keep it real, simple, and straight-to-the point...it's all about the T-R-U-T-H (or as a friend of mine says, "The T"): the T, the whole T, and nothing but the T.
Once you accurately and truthfully express yourself to someone, they are more likely to do the same in return. Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today; save yourself time and make some progress. Say what needs to be said; the outcome will let you move on -- either with your relationship (reciprocated) or with your life (non-reciprocated); this is really more for the BIG three, but if you've been in a relationship for a while, the small three may also be weighted as heavily. Honest judgment and value is truly needed with this one; judge with caution, as non-reciprocated feelings with the Small three does not mean the Big three aren't reciprocated.
Expressing is communicating. If it's true for you...speak it; let yourself be heard. Open your mouth and do it; you know you can...put your tongue in to it:
I Miss You.
I am curious as to why we generally see the two phrases as being interchangeable and equally weighted when they mean separate things and aren't directly correlated with one another. (Just another example of us wanting our cake and being able to eat it too?) Saying "I miss you" doesn't mean that you love someone; saying "I love you" doesn't mean that you'll miss someone if you don't see or have them around for a period of time. This isn't brain science, we just have to remember to look at the entire picture and express how we truly feel....The T (unsweetened, of course).
Times change. People change. Tastes changes. Cultures and societies change. Many things change; it often accounts and allows for growth. But, what about values...the core and foundation on which things are built on and around in order to be strong and survive? What about sex; sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's just.... But, has the value of sex changed?
At one point, sex was valued, treasured, and held to a standard that was highly regarded and looked upon. People waited until marriage to lose their virginity; some only having one sexual partner throughout their entire lifetime. Some people established rules (i.e., no sex before the 6th date or 3 months), some people refused to discuss sex, and then their were those we love and find most interesting...those we often refer to as "a lady in the streets but a freak between the sheets." (Now, before people start proclaiming sexism and sexist statements, that phrase is also being used for men who fit that description; they are the ones often referred to as "uptight" and "sinfully vanilla".) Let us not forget the risque encounters...where a financial transaction was executed for sex; breaking it down for those slow on the uptake....prostitution. Prostitutes even had a value for sex; a specific dollar amount. The value and standard to which you held sex, seemed to be in direct correlation to how your character was viewed. Sex....was a part of a relationship that was sacred and of sustenance.
But, now; today....oooooh chile! People seem to value sex less than they value holy underwear. People have sex before the first date, without knowing someone's name, without seeing someone's face, without saying 'hello'; and those who would be considered prostitutes now have sex in exchange for a "suggested donation." Sex is held under the conditions of NSA (no strings attached; i.e., 'strings' being emotions), discreet, open relationship, and other such instances which, back-in-the-day, would appear derogatory and degrading.
People seem to be viewing sex on a more acceptable social level; where it's actually more about the fulfillment and satisfaction of self and not the caring or concern of another or others. Where multiple partners in a short time span once seemed to be frowned upon; it now seems to be smiled upon, encouraged, and rewarded by peers.
While the standards for sex seem to have changed...has the value of sex changed? Do we value it more or less; or is its value holding steady? Has the significance and importance of sex been over-rated?
This was originally planned to be a holiday post, but as all of you should know, the holidays have come and gone. While Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's are special times of the year, we must not forget that each day we live, each instance we breathe, and every second we spend with our family, friends, and those we love are the special times in our lives. Too often we overlook and neglect these times with our special ones; putting them off for something else....assuming they will always be there. We hope! But, we know it is not always true. We must cherish each moment like it is our last.
The next time you hear the song "These Are The Special Time," take time and listen to the song; hear and feel the lyrics; know what it's saying.
Two of my favorite renditions of the song were recorded by Celine Dion and by Christina Aguilera.
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
"Image is everything."
The value and significance of these quotes are more than people realize. They read them, they hear them, but don't listen to what's really being said or take in the actual meaning. So, I'll break it down for you....In the eyes, minds, and opinions of others...especially those who see you or know of you, but don't actually know you...you are who they perceive you to be. A great percentage of their perception and opinion of you is based on how you present yourself.
Is your attire appropriate for your environment?
How's your posture? (Check up on it! Get it straight.)
Grooming in check? (Don't forget those nose hairs.)
Hygiene in order? (Despite what some people may be in to, funky ain' sexy.)
What style of language are you using?
Behavior in order? (If you were seeing you through another's eyes, what would you say about the way you act?)
Know brand. What does it say? Would another entity (i.e., someone, a corporation) want to invest in you? What's your mission in life? Your values?
Your brand should convey the message of what you stand for, represent, and aim to achieve. It should convey trust, dependability, and quality. The idea is to build a reputation where someone will hear your name or see your trademark and be ready to jump at the opportunity to be associated with you, because they know you/your work and what you represent -- you are an extension of them or an avenue to something they want to achieve and you are the best vehicle to get them there.
What comes to mind when you think of the following brands:
Microsoft
Google
Coca-Cola
Citibank
IBM
Sony
Apple
Ford
Johnson & Johnson
Your personal BRAND -- an authentic and consistent expression and representation of you; who you are as an individual...your actions, your standards, your beliefs.
Image is a strong voice for your brand; it far exceeds what you assume it can say
about you. Again, 'image is everything,' it determines how others see you and so much more.
If you are one of those who don't care about image....GET ON IT! 'Cause you should.
To the left? To the left?
Yes, it could be you doing The Step, because Ms. Beyonce has far too many people thinking they are irreplaceable...when they really are not. Many of those same "irreplaceables" are 'sides,' but just don't know it. (Yes, a side...like mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, sauteed garlic green beans, and a garden salad. You know, when you aren't the entree; just a little something extra....on. the. SIDE.)
Don't get lost and twisted thinking you are going to be around for a minute when you can be gone in a second. Know your Replaceability Factor (the level it would take for you to be honestly, happily, equally, and satisfyingly replaced....of course, this is to the replacer).
- Know your value (what you bring to the table, what you stand for/believe in, and what you represent. How much do you mean to another person?)
- Your uniqueness (what separates you from the competition; the skills/qualities/attributes/talents that give you an edge)
- Grow (be open to change and be willing to try new things)
- Value your partner and your relationship/partnership
- Know your partner and be aware of the competition
Knowing your partner consists of being aware of their likes, dislikes, needs, and wants...they are not all one-and-the-same. Any one of them can lead to you being replaced; and not necessarily by something you deem equal in comparison, but by something they deem equal or by something they see capable of delivering what they desire. Lack of fulfillment is typically the lead reason for replacement.
I say this, not because I love the song "irreplaceable" (which is ages old), but because many people are clueless and have no idea they are replaceable and a lesser idea of what could be their replacement. Also, because I am itching to see someone's reaction when they discover they have been replaced by a moderate thread count body pillow.
People, I beg of you...GET IT TOGETHER!
If you think you are irreplaceable; are you really? Know your Replaceability Factor?
Let me take you back...way back...back to the beginning of 2009, when I announced MY LIFE IN MUSIC: THE SOUNDTRACK TO ME. The idea was to capture songs I came across throughout the year: songs that were old, songs that were new, songs that shook my world and captured my emotions, or songs that I just couldn't get out of my head. I figured they would be songs that reflected a part of my personality and who I am as a person and songs that pertained to various moments and stages of my life over the course of 2009. The result? An amazing collection! (another one of those moments where my results even impress me.) The selections range from new songs that make you want to dance and sing to older songs that are still relevant, touching, and inspiring today.
Music is a big part of my life. Granted, I can't sing a lick and haven't played an instrument in years...but I love music. To me music is a therapy: it relaxes me, it inspires me, it becomes my voice to express myself when I cannot find the words.
I present to you...the listing to what I consider "MY LIFE IN MUSIC: THE SOUNTRACK TO ME [2009]":
- Through the Times - me
- Walk Away - Christina Aguilera
- Cursed - Vivian Green
- Stand Up - Jennifer Hudson
- Enough Cryin' - Mary J. Blige
- One Moment In Time - Whitney Houston
- Getaway - Monica
- Somebody's Somebody - Christina Aguilera
- If You Could See You Through My Eyes - Kenny Lattimore
- Damn Your Eyes - Etta James
- Lost Yo Mind - Beyonce
- The Heart of the Matter - India.Arie
- Fistful of Tears - Maxwell
- Invisible - Jennifer Hudson
- Paparazzi - Lady Gaga
- No Fool No More - En Vogue
- I Didn't Know My Own Strength - Whitney Houston
- Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson
What's on your soundtrack?
