The new 'Vitamin D' -- Penis Power

We all know the penis has a controlling mind of its own; it’s caused a lot of men (and some women) to do things that range from ‘crazy as all hell’ to ‘down-right stupid.’ The penis has also been known to start fights (so fiery they are worthy of being called a wars), destroy homes, and choke people.

The source of the power of the penis is unknown and mysterious, but in numerous occasions has led to obsession, addiction (or rather, addicktion), and other changed in physical and mental behavior; especially when contact with the source is experienced in regular, repeating patterns. With that said, it takes a certain type of stable individual with strong emotional, physical, and mental health to compete with the power of the penis.

Penis (consumed, ingested, exposed to) on a regular basis has been hailed as “life-changing.” It, supposedly, increases your energy level, helps you concentrate and focus, helps improve time management and organization, and encourages you to enjoy the smaller things in life. (Why does it sound like a new form of crack or some wonder drug that people have been seeking for years???)

Now, don’t get me wrong…I am truly me being me, so you know I’ve sat and contemplated this. I honestly, don’t get it. Considering the fact that I have a penis, I must need another one because as far as I can tell, I (i.e., me using the brain in my head) am the only source controlling my life and behaviors and am experiencing none of the above mentioned results.

I’ve been around others whom I would say could have possibly been (and may still be) under the influence of penis, and well…it’s not cute! The side effects and attachments that usually come along with penis, one could mostly do without: drama, craziness, dizziness, stress, hypertension, aggravated nerves, and stupidity…among other things.

If “Penis Power” could be controlled, FDA-approved, and available over-the-counter or via prescription by someone like Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth…we could be on to something.
Then, again, knowing the history our society has with abuse and the role of the penis…is the world really ready for more than a handful?

Carrie Bradshaw and Me

Love, labels, the love of labels, and a walk-in closet the size of Chelsea. We all have our reasons for living and dreaming in New York City. Coincidentally...or because of great taste...my main reasons happen to resemble those of Carrie Bradshaw--the fictional fashionista and columnist we've all come to know and love thanks to Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex and the City--does that give people the right to want to adorn me with the "I'm a Carrie" tee or title?

Granted, our interests and characteristics to run somewhat deeper...
In addition to our core of friends--I, too, have my Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha (as a matter of fact, I have 2 or 3 Samanthas)--we're both fashion conscience and forward, old-fashioned with a modern twist, and deep romantics at heart. For me, when I say deep romantic, I mean I have values I won't sacrifice and standards that I refuse to lower. Call me a diva and say my standards for love are unrealistic if you want, but I will see stars and sparkles, hear bells and whistles, and be engulfed by twinkling lights, hearts stopping, and bombs bursting in air. When it happens, don't be jealous...Carrie found her Big, I'll find mine, too. I've been to the point where "I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty." (That might have been last weekend, but that's another story.) Please note--and don't forget or misinterpret--this doesn't mean I'm after the ring or the long white train. I've already said...it's all about the walk-in closet, labels, and 100xx ZIP code.

Throughout all of this, I do believe many compare Carrie and I for our personalities and our love and style of writing -- the way we share our musings on life, relationships, New York City, and anything else that needs to be addressed (ok, that may be all mine; we have to have our differences somewhere); but, let's not get 'carrie-d' away. All of this doesn't mean I have an inner Caroline Marie Bradshaw. Does it?

Bobby Brown Bailout

You know, if this stuff is true, Bobby Brown just needs to forget about singing and do a movie based on his life. Someone couldn't even begin to imagine some of the stuff he's supposedly gone through in his life in order to write about it. Hence one of the reasons Being Bobby Brown was such a success.

Recently, it was reported that there's a new tell-all book that mentions how back in 1993, my #1 superstar Whitney "diva-originale" Houston, allegedly paid $400,000 in ransom money to a gang that had kidnapped then-husband-and-love-of-her-life Bobby. Supposedly, Bobby didn't pay a dealer $25,000 for some cocaine he had acquired. Another report said that Bobby was naked and hog-tied at the gang's hideout.

Trying to add some clarification on this; from what I gather, it was a transfer of debt (so to speak): It seems as if the gang paid off the $25,000 debt to the dealer, then kidnapped Bobby, and held him for ransom.

I have no idea is this (any or all) is true or not. You know how much I adore me some Whitney, so if he paid I'm not necessarily mad at her. Trust me when I say this, I know that when we're in love with someone we can do some crazy things....but $400,000 is A LOT of moo-lah! Would it not have been cheaper to pay the $25,000 and possibly another $25,000 for a new flow and let them keep Bobby???? Do you have any idea what I could do with 400k? I'm talking Louis Vuitton shopping spree, obtaining that Dolce & Gabbana overcoat I've been drooling over, paying off student loans, getting a Wii, AND getting the Wii-Fit to go with it.

To those of you I love dearly and those of who you think I love you...do not get kidnapped and be held for ransom. If you do, don't be surprised or alarmed if I send you a care package with a note along the lines of "It's been nice, but...." he he he SMOOCHES!

*Please note that I do not condone, encourage, or participate in the usage of illegal drugs/substances.

A Thin Line Between Networking and Stalking

Friendster. Myspace. LinkedIn. Facebook. Twitter. The next networking community that's yet to be announced. It's online networking the new way of living?

It's frightening! From dating to stalking...people are doing everything online; and I do mean everything. People are telling their business (whereabouts, private thoughts, random thoughts of which no one else really cares about), having affairs, and doing other things online they wouldn't normally do in everyday life. While I'm waiting on someone to get caught by their own actions and self-release of information, I'm completely surprised by how people are finding the time to do it all. It's exhausting and time consuming--even for someone like me. For those who do the w.o.r.k. thing or have k-i-d-s; I'm impressed. Having to update profiles, upload pictures, comment on the pictures of other's, feeling the need to write on someone's "wall," sending out a "tweet" update, or remembering to Myspace or Facebook the person you met at the bar last night and may want to go out with next week (or ignore for eternity)...time consuming! I dont get it.

I'm curious as to when this networking convenience is going to come back and haunt someone. We all know that most people aren't good at judging their behavior or the appropriateness of things they say...especially at the crucial times when a filter is highly recommended and could be of substantial use. These networking sites update in realtime and some of them are capable of being linked (i.e., you can link your Twitter account to your blog); people nonchalantly post where and when they are going to be places. I would write more into this, but I'm sure you can connect the dots. I'm waiting on CNN to announce a story with some "networking turned stalking" headline. Cause I'm sure someone is going to Myspace someone when they should have called, texted, or Facebooked them; then the other person is going to be pissed and write something all on their wall -- their bed/bathroom wall (not Facebook wall), in red lipstick. Afterwards, they'll be standing outside in the rain looking through restaurant window where the other person's Twitter account said they'd be having dinner with their significant other.

I cannot! But, also...I can't wait, either.

Movie Review: Duplicity / I Love You, Man

DUPLICITY (Clive Owen, Julia Roberts)

Skip it. It drags at times, it's predictable, and it has Paul Giamatti. I went with a friend and a fan to see this movie; we were finished discussing it by the time we walked out of the cinema's lobby doors. We had brunch together and didn't feel the need to mention the film...at all. The stars are the high points of the movie. Clive Owen is simply delicious and Julia Roberts is as charming, as always...sometimes you just want to give her a hug.

I LOVE YOU, MAN (Paul Rudd)

Fun-nay! I haven't laughed so hard since Madea did something, I'm sure. The chemistry among the actors come across with ease, the dialogue is on-point comedy, and the film is an all-around feel-good movie. Paul Rudd has always been an immense talent; I'm glad his star is finally starting to shine. Andy Samberg portrays Robbie, Paul's brother in the film, and is just "oooooooh cute." Makes me want to get an Equinox Fitness gym membership. See this movie: in theaters, on dvd...see it in theaters and buy it on dvd...I don't care...just make sure you see it.

Cash Only

It's 2009, so the use of the phrase "cash only" is outdated and downright...sketchy. In a world of "credit or debit," 'cash only' sticks out and typically indicates that someone is up to something their mother wouldn't condone or is holding back on their taxes; also something their mother wouldn't condone (I'm totally assuming on this one, cause I know how some people's mothers operate).

Well, I'm in New York City. We have our share of crooks and schemers; so, occasionally one runs across 'cash only.' In a plastic society, it pisses you off...trust me. Friday night, we stumbled across it...twice: it was stated (or rather printed on the menu) in one instance and implied in the other. The printed occurrence was at an inexpensive Mexican restaurant (when I say inexpensive I mean really, really, unbelievably cheap...beginning with the door handle and everything thereafter) . In my personal opinion, a business would accept credit cards (at least Visa or AMEX) in a society where people tend to put a large amount of their transactions on their credit/debit cards. I think accepting credit cards would help increase revenue...which is a good thing for all businesses, especially one that isn't classy, highly populated, and serves food that is less than tasty and has wait service that's below average. In my world, easier and more payment options equal more and higher payments. But that's just me.

Now, the entire second occurrence was unexpected and 'cash only' was implied. All we wanted to do was go to Happy Hour...for the music, of course. The next thing I know we're walking by a velvet rope and red carpet, complete with paparazzi, people posing for cameras, and interviews being conducted...neither of which I was the center of attention or invited to participate. Maybe [gay] Hollywood is relocating to Chelsea, I wondered. Inside...throngs of people; mostly older, but still a lot of people. The reason soon becomes abundantly clear...The Hookies! Believe it or not, it's just like it sounds....an annual award ceremony for [gay...I'm assuming] male escorts. W...T...F!? Who knew!?

I scanned the room looking for familiar faces--given that it was a predominantly older audience, I just knew I had to know someone who would be attending this event. One of those who consistently claim they never pay for it. My friend and I assumed a male escort would only accept cash; then we thought about it...took 2009 and the drive to make easy money into consideration, and came to the conclusion that today's escorts probably accept credit/debit cards. I mean, you can get almost anything (except cheap Mexican food) with plastic these days...even a subway Metrocard. Not to mention that PayPal is everyone's friend. Perhaps some of the businesses will catch on soon and get with the program!

Grooming In Public (6/16/06)

or better known as those processes you need to go through to make yourself look better before you step out in public and scare me to death and scar me for life!

Now, allow me to simply this for you: ask me, "Sir, should I groom in public?" That's a great question, thank you for asking.

Before I explain, let me give you a few specific answers...

1) In the words of every parent with at least ONE of Bebe's Kids, "NO!"

2) In the words of [the original] Destiny's Child, "No, No, No."

3) In the words of Whitney, "Oh HELL to the NO!"

Here's why...grooming in public is tacky and it's nasty as hell.

If I'm riding on the subway, I should not see you sitting across from me with tweezers in hand, pulling hairs from your mustache, chin, and eliminating branches from that nose-hair forrest of yours. I was too pissed at the lady who was doing this. Could she not have gotten up thirty minutes earlier? And NOT ONCE did she touch her unibrow.

Gentlemen, I know shaving can be a pain, but to use an eletric shaver while driving on the interstate is dangerous...and nasty as hell. Where are the clipped hairs going? On your clothes, between the seats, on the floor. NASTY! Shave AT HOME or walk around with a light shadow.

This last tidbit, I'm going to add in this edition as well...because some people swear up AND down they are "grooming" themselves. NOSE PICKING. Ladies and gentlemen, nose picking/digging far up your nose (in public, I might add) is not attractive. [To help you better understand...yeah, it ain' cute...AT ALL.] Furthermore, it does not give you superpowers...it does not make you invisible...I CAN SEE YOU! And it's nasty as hell.

My last suggestion on grooming in public...DON'T DO IT. Do it AT HOME...in the bathroom. Door closed. And LOCKED!

A Sad Life (10/4/07)

The writers of Living Single hit it dead-on when they said "you live; you die; and if you're lucky, you get to do some good shopping in between." Granted, many never get to experience this, because they don't know how to shop. Have you seen the clothing many people in this world wear out in public? Think about it, they have to get them from somewhere...but I digress. Back to Living Single; no one had spoken truer words before and no one has since.

Yes, I know it takes money to have a certain "style," but it doesn't take money to have taste. Make it work, people! If you need help, be like Tweet...call me.

A Sad Life...many people have sad lives for various reasons. Most of which requires a licensed professional, a leather couch, and some tequila. Although, most can be cured by people just going out, getting out of their everyday routine, and having some good-ol' fashioned f-u-n!

I'm going to tell you about my Sad Life Tuesday; please note that it is 3am on Thursday. I had a busy Wednesday, and am booked this weekend...so this is my only time to write this. See if you can find the sad factor and the humor.

You know your life is SAD when...

1) You can't find the bullet/list option in this word processing blog editor

2) You don't like to work, yet you're looking for a job

3) You can't get an interview, but those who's resumes and cover letters you write...get interviews AND job offers

4) The job you're looking for, neither you nor the people you know knows anyone who can utilize (or better yet, AFFORD) your services

5) You don't grocery shop at your normal high-end/clean grocery stores because you've invoked a strategic spending strategy; so when you're in dire need you dress incognitoly (like the locals) and go to the local/dirty grocery stores only to be afraid of catching something so you high-tail it to your normal grocery store (after you change clothes, of course).

6) The saddest point of all. The above mentioned spending strategy limits your spending at major book retailers, so you end up reading a free book obtained from your former employer. Yes, it gets worse...it's a 50Cent/G-Unit publication. Can you say ghetto?...and sad???

Whew! That was all from one day. Tuesday was a slow day.

Have you ever had those days where you thought your life was sad? Wondered where you had taken a wrong turn? Baffled your mind trying to figure out why Calgon hadn't taken you away? Speaking of Calgon...I need a vacation; where should I go? Who wants to sponsor it?

[closing the doors, locking the locks, pulling the shades]

one note...two words:

On Holiday.

Addiction (10/4/07)

Addiction: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. [a special thanks to: dictionary.com. Love it!]

To many it's taboo (one of those issues we don't [or won't] talk about).
To some it's a phase (been there, done that--I'll be back).
To others it's entertainment (I know many read Zane's "Addicted")
To all of us...it's a serious, highly misunderstood disease (check out HBO's documentary, Addiction) [And no, HBO is paying me for that plug]

People have said they are or have been addicted to many things...
Bad things -- alcohol, drugs (illegal and prescription), greed/power/money/control.
Good things -- love, chocolate, sex, shoes, other people [that may be some form of stalking, but I'm not sure].

At what point do we become addicted? Is there a specific point or is there a thin line?

Hi, I'm Syieve...and I have a thing for Propel by Gatorade. It pains me to drink regular bottled water...and I'm down to my last packet of Propel.........

Sex And The City (10/4/07)

Sex and The City; no, not the show…but Sex AND The City – New York City (and probably your city, too).

In a place full of…
No Strings Attached.
Friends with benefits.
Friends maybe more.
Bi & married, but on the down-low and looking.
Casual encounters.
[Anonymous] Sex parties.
Missed connections.
And much more being invented every day.

What happened to dating, romance, intimacy, getting to know someone, monogamy, relationships, commitment…LOVE (and the act of it)? Are the people who use to willingly and openly engage in these once highly sought after behaviors now extinct? Have they become fashion faux pas? Or are they like chivalry...dead? New York City is a place like no other; a world of its own—5 different boroughs, 8 million residents, and countless daily visitors and tourists. All rushing trying to cram 37 hours of activities into a 15 hour time frame, struggling to make enough money to pay rent and buy food and clothing, desiring an active social life, and fighting to stand out from the crowd—personally and professionally.

It's an easy place to get lost in; with visitors losing themselves in our world and residents getting lost in the day-to-day hassle of New York City living…have we lost our minds in the process? We are known to accept and overlook things out of the ordinary. So when it comes to love, relationships, and sex, it wouldn't be strange to see signs in people's windows or hanging around their necks that read:
-It's FREE, but I'll cost you
-Buy Milk; Get Cow FREE

Relationships and quality people to date are rarities. I, above all people, know that individuals have their preferences and standards, but the candidate pool is practically empty because people today seem to be crazy, shallow (for no reason), afraid of commitment, have no idea of who or what they want, or constantly waiting for the next best/hotter/more successful someone to come along {that is such a NYC thing}. That's call living in a dream, because that ONE never comes along. They would be perfect; so besides the fact they don't exist, they would either be taken, not interested, or doing the same thing you're doing—waiting and living in a dream. Yet no one wants to stop the circle, step out of line, and make a move…okay, it would actually take two people for it to be effective, but one is a start. We should start with the Passive-Aggressive Missed Connectors. These are the people who make an effort to get to know someone; you know…offer an introduction, convey an interest, will ask you out. However, they do it after the fact. In a city with millions of residents and visitors, there is no point of introducing yourself or asking someone out after your initial encounter or they have left your immediate area. What's the likelihood you will ever see them again? Yes, there is a slim chance they will read the ad you posted in the classifieds of your local paper or company newsletter; or better yet, hear you mentioning this to your bathroom mirror…but realistically?

Nevertheless, it's a start…let's work on it! Then there's the melting pot of other folks: cheaters, closet freaks, afraid of [commitment, rejection, something absurd], and those who are all about the NSA (No Strings Attached) fun! Are you kidding me? That's what I call Free (and often anonymous) Sex; ironically, in today's society with so much going on and round (diseases, HIV/AIDS, etc.) it's not likely to be free. Although, it could be free, but contain unwanted accessories and parting gifts.

Lastly, my favorite group: those who spiel something along the lines of:
Let's be friends, maybe more.
We can be exclusive, but not date.
What does that mean? They must be confused, because they get me confused. Is that supposed to mean 'sex with a string or two'? Speak your mind! Speak a language other than your own personal language that makes sense to no one but you! Say what you want!

People, stop being afraid of who you are: embrace yourself; love yourself; love someone else…give life and love a try. The way society is behaving doesn't leave much to be desired for the future; even the next 10 years look frightening. Are you: A decent, dateable person (one that can be taken home to meet the family without embarrassment or having to be paid)? Do you like and love who you are on the inside? Can you express yourself openly and truthfully? Are you capable of getting to know someone intimately and honestly? If you answered "yes" to these questions, then you better move! Step outside of the circle! Start a trend. Make a difference. Save tomorrow; the world can be a better place because of YOU.

One more question…I ask you: has sex lost its value?

My Home, My Closet

Small Spaces, Big Prices, Bad Locations

A potentially new feature which will chronicle my quest to find a new apartment in a city where it takes an annual salary of over $120k to be considered middle class, studios can go for $2,000/month, people don’t understand that single-family homes are only meant for one (a, uno) family, and my budget is likely to have me in the boondocks of New Jersey (Jersey City or Hoboken) or in a building where people are raped in the elevators or in a situation where I have to empty my landlord’s port-a-potty. That’s just what I’ve stumbled across so far…the rest of the journey should be quite entertaining. It’s guaranteed to be tedious and depressing. Perhaps MTV or VH1 would like to follow?

Here No More

Love at first sight. A match made in heaven. Some of life's most enjoyable moments. Addictions. Just a few ways to describe our relationships with some of our favorite retailers; unfortunately, with the current state of the economy, it seems as if many are struggling to survive...and some have checked out (especially here in NYC). Here are a few: The Sharper Image, Ben & Jerry's (Times Square), Circuit City (can't say I'm saddened by this one...disliked them with a serious passion. Talk about horrid customer service!), and Dale and Thomas Popcorn (Times Square). The closing of Dale and Thomas (Times Square) threw me in a tizzy; it hurt my heart. If you run across one of their other stores in the country, do yourself a favor and try their popcorn...I recommend the Chocolate Chunk ‘N Caramel; it's one of my and Oprah's favorite things...and you know O and I won't mislead you. They may be gone, but definitely not forgotten...cause I can't help trying to think of ways to satisfy my addiction.

Recession or Depression?

Cash or Charge?

We're in a recession; or at least a very depressing point in our economy. Point blank; semicolon? "Do rich people not feel it? Or are they choosing not to admit it?" That's what people I know are asking. Honestly, I'm not sure...and that's mostly because I'm not rich; although, I am willing to give it a try so I would be able to answer the question first-hand. Some say rich (however you operationally define rich--$100k, $500k, $20mil, "I didn't ask you the cost just have it delivered by 3pm”) people aren't feeling the recession (yet?); some say they are choosing to ignore it. Whatever. All I'm saying is, I recently went into Hermes...and was blown away. The merchandise was hot and tempting, as always, but the store was packed; it was as if (imagine this...) Wal-Mart was having a clearance sale. The crowd was unbelievable! And it was cold outside...people should have been in their homes or hotel rooms. I know you're wondering what I was doing on Madison Ave in Hermes. He he; ha ha. Don't get me wrong...I know how to handle my business. I'm not rich, but I love designer (NYC is all about love, labels, and the love of labels {Carrie Bradshaw put it best}). I've implemented my strategic spending strategy.

So...do rich people feel the recession or choose to ignore it? Ask one. The answer may intrigue you. It could be that they feel it and choose to ignore it. I mean, really, if you're gonna be broke...why not be broke and stylish? I do it every day! Another tip on how to be like me...has been sponsored in part by....a sponsor that is no longer in business.

Sisters Act

The Movement to Understand Men

After the book and definitely after the movie, more and more people are hearing and saying "he's just not that into you." The book was popular and the movie is a smash hit, yet I still don't understand why my girlfriends (and my girlfriends) and many other ladies still aren't getting it. Steve Harvey even has a bestselling book directed at helping ladies: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. It's a good book; I'm enjoying it and highly recommend it. Contrary to popular or humorous belief, it's not a user-guide to becoming a successful drag queen (but if the f*ck me pumps fits...work the runway, sweetie); its purpose is to provide women with the tools and inside knowledge on how to get what they want out of relationships with men. So, why are all my [single] ladies not getting it?

As a rule, men are stupid. Point blank; and that should be enough said, but men are good at playing the game. So, ladies, wake up and pay attention! Don't get lost in the decorations; men are all about words. Listen to what they are saying, so you can hear what they are not saying. If he says, "I will call you later," that's what he means. He DID NOT say, "I will call you later...tonight." To a man, "later" can be tomorrow, next week, next month, or next lifetime...but it generally means never.

Sometimes you have to read between the lines. If he says, "I'm busy" or something vague of the sort. That's a load of bull-crappola. He's only interested in tasting your homemade cookies; otherwise, if he's actually interested in you, he'll make time for you--as he does for anything else he's interested in. Watch him and his actions. Now, if he ever uses the tired "I'm working late"...especially on specific days (if you're interested in knowing which days, ask me)...coup de grace! (It's French...see Two Can Play That Game starring Vivica A. Fox and Morris Chestnut to fully understand.) He may be 'working late,' alright...7 times out of 10 (note: my statistics are most likely off as I'm pulling them out of my head to make a point) he's "busy" spending time with someone else and not with you. This one is my favorite, so pay attention now and when your time comes. I call it, "the introduction." It's really self-explanatory; it's when he introduces you to his people--family, friends, and coworkers. If he introduces you as a commoner (anything that puts you in a class other than your very own; a class of ONE), without laying some 'claim' to you; we have a problem. Introductions: "This is [insert name here]." That's swell; he knows your name, but it's not good enough; "This is my friend [insert name here]." Problem! He used the F word, and it wasn't fiancé. He has many friends; our goal is to be more than friends and obviously it's not going to happen with this j-to-the-e.r.k. So: 1) keep face 2) gracefully (that's a big key) turn around, and 3) sashay-chantey as you Naomi Campbell walk your way out the door. Tell your "friend" you'll see him 'around the way' with all his other homies.

Again, men aren't hard to understand; just pay attention to what they actually say and do. Don't misinterpret, don't get lost in dreams and illusions, and don't see or hear stuff that's not there. Once you listen to what they're actually saying, you'll be amazed at how stupid they are and how stupid the things they say are. Now...if you really want to understand men, go out and get yourself a few side (or maintenance) men. After all, men are like shoes...every diva needs a closet full.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Breakin’ Dishes, Bustin’ Headlights, Crackin’ Collarbones

Rihanna and Chris Brown. I know people are expecting this to be my featured Commentary On… selection, but I'm not touching it. At least, not yet. My thing is this...someone can raise their hand at me all they want. Now, if they decide to put their hands on me, they have officially lost their damn mind, and me...being the warm, loving, charitable, good Samaritan that I am will help them get it back.

And that's all I hafta say.

Phenomenally Phabulous!

That's Me.

Jealous/Common people love to hate me; but I no longer wonder why...I simply don't care. They are right on a few notes: I'm stylish, I have class, I am poised, I know how to present myself, and I continuously strive for perfection. I am a firm believer in "image is everything." With that, I know not to let just anyone know my business and I understand the concept of secrecy. I take care of myself and I pay my bills. Contrary to popular belief, I am not "kept," but I do have an eye for nice things--most of which happen to be expensive in the eyes of most; which is where people get it twisted and lose their minds. What I have; I bought...or it was given as a gift. Not asked for, but given. There's a difference. If I ask for it...which occasionally I do, it's typically for my amusement--to see someone's reaction. The latest episode involves a bag--and not my LV, just a Tumi. I presented the info and pic for a bag that I wanted and asked to be notified when it arrived (as this Bozo had recently returned from a trip without even bringing me a keychain; I do this to everyone when they brag that they've taken a trip or will be taking one). Bozo responded with pictures of straw-bags from the Bahamas. I was expecting something like this, as this was the same doofus who wanted to taste my cookies because he bought me lunch...from Chipotle. I love me some Chipotle, but not that much. My response to his beach carry-all was, "cute, but not my style. Please refer to the info I sent previously." Fast forward a few days; giving my requested bag time to arrive. I ask: has it been delivered? When can I come pick it up? Please note that I offered to pick it up and did not ask that it be messengered to me. I received another whack response: "In Holland, there's a saying 'children who ask get passed over.'" People, please note: Stupidity is not attractive! I had to point out: 1) we're in America and 2) I shouldn't have to ask. (I'll save the "child" retort for later. Also, I pointed out that in America we have our own saying: "God bless the child who's got his own." Which led to me politely (in my own special way) informing him that my bag was delivered 3 days earlier and is now packed down with another that I've had for 2 years and have yet to use. I mean, really...it's only Tumi. I wish more people would understand that "cheap ain't cute and stupidity ain't sexy." For those just catching on...know me, believe me, and never underestimate the power of me. I’m independent and fabulous; phenomenally...that's me!

I See Dead People

Don't you just hate people who are dead to you? Especially those who are actually still alive and walking around when you want them to be 8 feet under--the usual 6 feet and at least 2 more. Far too many of them even have the tenacity and gall to reappear in your life -- uninvited -- and act all nice and friendly like nothing ever happened between the two of you. Why don't they get that there's a reason they are 'dead to you': YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN! Nevertheless, ghosts do tend to reappear...when you least expect it, so you have to be prepared and not let them frighten you. Remember, they are "dead," and you are still alive, prospering, and doing your thang. Which is why you must look breathtakingly fabulous at all times--as I do. And a good thing, too! Yes! One of the deadbeats from my pass arose recently...and tried to act like we are still friends. Ugh ugh...oh hell to the no...don't even! Scarecrow needed a brain for a reason. I was nice about it...cordial and professional (yes, sometimes you have to keep a personal relationship professional), but I wasn't delusional...it may be close to Easter, but I'm always prepared for Halloween! Life is a "thriller" and you'll never know when creeps will try to creep up on you.