MY LIFE IN MUSIC: Soundtrack to Me 2011

Nope, I'm still not singing, but I am grooving, relating, living my life, and loving music as much as ever. Another year behind me, more experiences under my belt, and another edition of My Life in Music --the soundtrack to my life over the past year. Songs that shook my world, played with my emotions, reflected aspects of my personality, contain lyrics that touched my soul, or just made me shout "That is my song!" (over and over, again).

As I always say, to me music is a therapy: it relaxes me, it inspires me, it becomes my voice to express myself when I cannot find the words.

I present to you ....

MY LIFE IN MUSIC: Soundtrack to Me 2011

• Toni Braxton - Why Won't You Love Me
• Fantasia - I'm Doin' Me
• Patti LaBelle - I Can't Make You Love Me
• Toni Braxton - Hands Tied
• Jennifer Hudson - All Dressed in Love
• Adele - Rolling in the Deep
• Usher - Making Love (Into the Night)
• Usher - Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home)
• Michael Jackson - Behind The Mask
• Kem - Why Would You Stay
• Cee Lo Green - Forget You
• Leona Lewis - I Know Who I Am
• Adele - He Won't Go
• Quiana Parler - Save Your Love For Me
• Terisa Griffin - Wonderful

Put your life to music. What are your tunes?

A Taste of Me: Infusion...Can You Feel Me?

Infusion…Can You Feel Me?

Lay your head upon my chest

                Heal my heart

                Let your energy run through me

Place your lips on mine

                Kiss me softly

                Let your tongue warm me

Put your hands on me

                Touch, tease me

                Please, please me

Look at me; let the power in your eyes hypnotize me

                Your body supports me

                Your heat relaxes me

                Your scent…my aromatherapy

I’ve never felt like this—all day

                Used.

                Dirty.

                Violated.

In a good way!

selection from DISIMPRISON: FREEING MY SOUL, SPEAKING MY HEART (syieve locklair)

A Taste of Me: Monster's Ball

Monster’s Ball

I want to feel your body next to me—

                touching me

                trapping me

Your temperature—warming me

Your mouth and tongue—tasting me, teasing me

Your heart and soul—controlling me

Your lips and finger tips—exploring me

Your arms

Your strength—

                protecting me

I want you to use me, tempt me, satisfy and sex me

Love me…outrageously.

selection from DISIMPRISON: FREEING MY SOUL, SPEAKING MY HEART (syieve locklair)

A Taste of Me: Voice of a Soul

VOICE OF A SOUL

Illuminating life with my looks and my smile
Hypnotizing and mesmerizing souls like the innocence of a child
One of every kind, but original and complete
I am sexy, single, scandalous...and unique

Living my life to satisfy me
Making my rules if the way it's going to be

Appreciating and purifying the air with every breath I take
Gracefully and respectfully, I accept the history I make

Head held high with a deep attitude
Not bowing down to anyone -- this is my mood

Living and moving with grace and passion
Influencing trends and establishing precedence with every action

One of many...still unique

Tempting as sin; sweet as honey
Ripe as a fruit, but more precious than money

I don't abuse, misuse, or try to confuse
I simply break hearts, and give people the blues

Many try to identify with me, but their goal shall never be
I'm sexy, single, scandalous...and unique

The Sky's silver lining on a cloudy day
I steal conversations and turn heads my way

The essence of love and beauty of mahogany
I'm full of style and accentuated by class -- naturally

I rejuvenate and contemplate the thoughts of many minds
Don't front, break my rules, or try to steal the spotlight from my lines

Creating, exemplifying, and defining the mold
I am the legendary story that's destined to be told

I am Sexy
I am Single
I am Scandalously-Unique
I am...!


selection from SAYINGS OF A SOUL: A COLLECTION OF POETRY (syieve locklair)

PSA: Friendly vs Friends

Remember in Boomerang where Halle Berry's character said she was tired of men treating "love" like it was disease? I feel her on that and also how they treat the word "friends" when they should be using the word "friendly." They must think being "friends" picking up a ball and tossing it somewhere. "Love" and "friends" are words of weight; not to be thrown around loosely, lightly, or recklessly...especially 'true' love and friendship.

So, for those confused souls who don't know the difference between being 'friends' and being 'friendly' and definitely for those who try to use 'friends' as a part of their game and still don't know the difference. Allow me to focus the spotlight...

Being FRIENDLY is when I act like I love you and don't want to [insert verb here] you.

Being FRIENDS is when I do love you and won't let anyone else [insert verb from above here] you.

Get it right, not twisted. We don't have to be friends...and I don't have to be friendly to you, either.

{side-eyed stair}

Summer of Him

The Summer is winding down; and it has been a scorcher. I hope the heat heat didn't get you caught up in the Summer of Him, as the heat can have its effects. For all of those for whom it applies (ladies and fellas), when I say 'caught up,' I mean at this point you need NOT have become a himaholic (when you are all wrapped up in a guy and your world revolves around him...breakfast, lunch, dinner, social activities, and your weekend getaway) or have become dickmatized. Yes, I said it...and you know what it means. It's when you crave it, always want it, gotta have it, can't get enough of it, and down on your knees begging for it. Extreme! Do I even need to say "that ain' cute"? I hope not, as there is no man and no game...that good.

Don't get it twisted and jumbled, these two words can apply to everyday "relationships," as well; it's not just about the summertime heat and shenanigans. Himaholic and dickmatized go great together; don't you just love it? Breaking it down...it's when you're all caught up on him and you're only getting the goods....and nothing else. No love...no affection...zero compassion; just unearthly, mind-blowing sexual satisfaction. While it's fun and unbelievably enjoyable; it's a major waste of time. Even 'friends with benefits' want more than they realize. Recognize what you're worth and what you have to offer. Get yours and take it to the next level; be all that you can be. #KnowYourWorth Yes, I hash-tagged it...hate on me, now. :-p

Special thanks and shout-outs to song-sirens Kelly Price and Jill Scott for edumacating us on himaholics and dickmatized; respectively.

Friend Me

Social network overload. I declare it, now: it's going to be the next leading cause of increases in prescriptions...especially for medications related to anxiety treatment.

Friend me. Follow me. Circle me. Link me. Skype me. Buy me.

How about 'just leave me alone' as I can only imagine what people will try to do to me next: ______ me! It's too much! I can't...or don't want to...keep up. Instead of bringing people closer together, it seems as if another social network could lead to the unraveling of society (okay, communication within that society) as we know it. People are already dumbing-down and losing a major sense of decency, acceptability, self-respect, and courteousness.

All of these networks and their associated games are time consuming; I won't mention that most of them compete with each other instead of compliment each other. Companies are deliberately doing this; another sign of greed and wanting to conquer the world solo instead of united. How many of these things do we need??? I mean...really? Friendster (not sure if it's actually still around, but it pretty much started it all); MySpace (does anyone still use it?); Facebook (no commentary necessary); Twitter (bigger and better than people expected; a definite standout from the others); Google+ (just getting started, so we'll see what happens), LinkedIn (going strong, but many still don't utilize it properly), EmpireAvenue (kinda works with the others, but still requires a LOT of time on its own, but the payoff doesn't correspond to the time spent...in my opinion).

When I say time spend and payoff...consider...with all of these networks and the time spent on each; is it worth it? What is the significant and what have you gained: staying in touch with family/friends? Meet new and interesting people (and of those are they of any value/interest to your life? Some have managed to take these sites to the next step and find jobs (other networks besides LinkedIn) and to meet people for dates and hookups. I haven't figured that one out, yet, but I'm sure it requires some serious tactics and some seriously creative social networking game.

Now, while social networks generally allow for you to "friend" someone under certain conditions and circumstances; I generally think it is a good rule of thumb to know someone before you accept/approve/link/follow/circle/etc them. Dangers lurk on the internet and crazy things can and will continue to happen. Safety first!

Back to what I originally said...I guess we'll have to wait and see what's next; but, please note...I can only take so much!

PSA: Reality Check

This came across my Twitter time line...read it, remember it, take a note, share it, and never forget it.

Brace yourself...

"Reality checks never bounce."

And the payout may come with interest. As I always say: keep it real, keep it honest, and keep it moving. Whatever situation you are in, make sure you see and are aware of the actual picture; the entire picture. Know the story! Be in the present!

Be real and you'll always be on point.

Before I Say 'I Do'

There's a LOT to be done. And I don't mean...selecting a caterer, planning the menu, finding suitable and elegant favors, arranging the seating chart, not strangling the wedding planner, hiring a florist, or deciding between a venue or a destination. Honey, that's easy...child's play. Even the wedding band is decided (amuse yourselves, check them out here). The hardest work to be done is finding an eligible, compatible, sane, and employed (or at least employable) candidate; you know, that "one" worthy of becoming your partner [and lover] (for life). It's such a daunting task; it's like four people's jobs in one.

Why is it so hard...and what are we going to do? People were 'waiting to exhale' in 1992; by now, I'm sure many have died from asphyxiation, and are all awaiting a rebirth (of the dating scene). Forget a man-cleanse; when it's forced and non voluntary, the dating society needs a rainstorm...a monsoon.

I had a conversation with one of my older cousins recently; we discussed a wide variety of things...but definitely touched on men and dating. She said (more or less) it was bad during her time, but she managed to have a good time. She added that she didn't know what me and my generation are going to do..."there's absolutely nothing; it's terrible." The whole time I was pretty much thinking: "Girl, you're preaching to the choir. Cause I know." Well, there is a WHOLE LOT of crazy out there ! And in many forms; most unimaginable and not worthy of entertaining. Not included in that are those who don't have their lives together, but should have established order years ago. After that, what's left?

Very little, that's what. And from there you still have to do the background check, credit check, blood tests, investigate family medical and mental history, social scene placement, and how the candidate interacts with key family members and friends, and resume reviews and reference checks. Let's not forget The Illusionists; those who look and seem readily available and qualified, until you learn their real story. These are typically those who are: just stepping out of the closet [eye roll], enjoy being single [another eye roll], have no idea what they want (i.e., friends or maybe more) [these you just walk away from; nothing said], recently out of a long-term relationship/marriage, wrapped up in feelings for an ex [these you run away from...QUICKLY], someone you've dated before and it didn't work [blank stare], or your basic quintessential loser.

Now, do you see what I mean when I say there is A LOT to do before the wedding? Just finding the one you want (and can be able to) marry is a bit much. We also have to vet through those who think they are qualified (some even have the audacity to think "overqualified"); perhaps, if we could classify them (or even better if they could classify themselves) in to the following groups; it would make it all A LOT easier, more efficient, productive, and straight to the point.

*Categories:
Not You
Never You
I'd Have To Be Drunk And On Drugs To Choose You
You Failed Before I Started Looking
You Never Happened
Do I Know You?
I Have Never Seen You Before In My Life Lets Not Start Now

A lot of the people who fit these categories are irresponsible, immature, play too many games, don't have their lives in order, afraid of commitment, don't have respect for themselves and/or other people, and lack dating knowledge and skill. Meaning, they have no idea as to how to date and get to know someone. That's a lot to put up with; it's exhausting!

As you can see, dating ain' cute or easy. So, before I can say "I do," I need to find someone to say it to. This, is where the real work begins!


Note: A friend and I generated these categories (and a few others not listed); if you fit into any of these categories or can categorize someone within one...it's not a good thing.

PSA: Brand New

Don't try to act "brand new" when you're tired, worn, and raggedy as hell; train wrecks are not cute. #BehaveAppropriately

((M+M) + (W+W)) x NY = What's Next?

Now that my fellow same-sex loving New Yorkers can legally (30 days after the signing of the bill?) state those vows and say "I do"....What's next? I'm concerned; very concerned.

I imagine, in the beginning and over the course of a year, an influx of people to the state of New York to get married and an impressive amount of NY'ers legally declaring their love for their partners. With that, I wonder how much of the stereotypes will come true and if the anticipated staggering amounts of revenue will really begin to be generated.

Stereotypes including ginormous, extravagant, and lavish weddings...which will likely be more like major, headlining events; as you know...[a lot of my people] have a tendency to be "extra," attention-grabbing, and straight-up over-the-fabulous-top! In the entertainment/television industry, I can only imagine how many same-sex wedding (and wedding planner) reality shows will be pitched next week and which will be the first network to get a show on the air. If the gay Sexy and the City 2 wedding [video]was any inclination as to what we have to look forward to, this is going to be an interesting and blinding journey. A few friends and I have discussed how outlandish this could be; we know there will be some vying to out-do the next with extremeness and over-the-top gaudiness...and we all know that usually equates to tacky-squared. The Battle for the Biggest/Best Gay Wedding is on! IMAGINE!!! And within NYC, "pop-ups" are the new it thing: stores/shops, restaurants; just to name a few. If I see any pop-up wedding alters, I promise you I'm going to scream like a banshee....and dare somebody to Facebook or YouTube the video.



While I hate to play the devil's advocate (but you know I gladly will), let's not forget that (unfortunately) with same-sex weddings will come the same-sex divorces. Forget reality tv...for these moments, I anticipate books and feature films! You know we can be some greedy, vengeful, ruthless, and fierce b*@ches when crossed, so when we're fighting each other...blockbuster fireworks. The spite, the hate, the you-did-me-wrongs.....chiiiiile, heterosexuals haven't seen a nasty divorce, yet. (Somebody pop me some popcorn!) Cannot wait to see who starts World War 6 (Sir Elton John? Ricky Martin? Ellen DeGeneres? Some local NYer we don't know but will wish were our best friend?)! Sadly [inserted to show a little tenderness and public concern and compassion], I do envision a higher divorce rate among same-sex marriages (especially in the beginning), because I believe many will make the journey to Marriedland because we can, to be one of the firsts, and for all the wrong reasons (i.e., not knowing their partner well enough, not loving themselves first, and not knowing REAL love).

Alas, que sera sera....we and many others will be watching.

For those of you are wondering about me and my wedding, I hope you've read "Before I Say 'I Do'".

Single and Sexy ... with Style

Ok, don't hate me...sexy is as sexy does; and I do me. It comes naturally; it's just who I am.

My style? It's a natural born talent; I can't explain it. But I have cultivated it through the years; nourished it properly and allowed it to grow and blossom into the fabulosity you see (in and around me) every day. I'm fancy, huh? You bet. Classy? Amen! (snap, snap)

While I can't (nor will I ever try) to teach you all of my secrets, I will let you in on a few things. I think most of these are widely and commonly known, yet astonishingly enough...a lot of you are completely in the dark. Please don't try to enlighten me, because I'm afraid to find out.

You may or may not know this, but I don't like to pay full-price...for anything. Somethings I have no choice in the matter and some things just talk to me and touch me in ways that I have to have them right then and there; despite the cost. For everything else...there are sales. Sample sales. Designer sample sales. Members-only designer sample sales.

Allow me to introduce:

Gilt: The premier (and my 1st choice) destination for deals on stylish and trendy designer fashions, home decor and small appliances, travel experiences , beauty and spa treats, gourmet foods (Gilt Taste), and local city and cultural indulgences (Gilt City). Membership highly recommended.

RueLaLa: My runner-up to Gilt. Love it for stylish fashions (their Stylathons are very popular and worth while), small kitchen appliances and cookware (they frequently offer Le Creuset), and travel packages. Recently started with their local city offerings; rather intriguing...and great at introducing you to new local opportunities.

Ideeli: Likely the most cost efficient and great for affordable fashion staples; cannot beat their Red Sales. They also offer items for the home, kitchen, and vacations. Note that their sales are very popular and with the lower prices, they sell out quickly.

Hautelook: Arguably, the first of them all, but unfortunately, my least favorite. I would describe it as a cross between RueLaLa and Ideeli. Nevertheless, I visit them daily; you never know when you'll stumble upon treasure! Definitely a good stop for basics and sunglasses. They recently started offering "Getaway" experiences and frequently offer beauty/cosmetic items.

Other sale sites to consider and register for are Fab.com (designer home decor), Lux Delux (all things must-have and must-experience), and MyHabit (just launched, but a part of Amazon, so you never know where it will go).

Now, while I've just let you in on this; for these resources to be effective, you have to be on top of your game! Don't be sloppy; and no amateurs! 'Limited-time' and 'exclusive' mean something. Get in, learn, and progress; period, full stop.

Singledom...well, it's not for everyone..nor is it always cute. But, we do what we have to do; accentuate the positive!

This Time Around?

I know many have said it before. Hell, I've said it myself a few times: I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday; no, I wouldn't change anything I've done in my life because it wouldn't be me. I get this. I, also, get that some people say it just to speak...they have no idea what they are saying but figure they sound 'deep'. (eye roll) {whatever} Now, what if you were given the opportunity to do something over, again; you know, a second time around. And not because of something you did wrong, but because someone else goofed-up and acted a fool. This is another opportunity for them. An opportunity to either do right by you or to screw you over, again. Would you do it?

A lot of people fail to get and understand this, but I'm one of those people that if you piss me off, I'll willingly, gladly, and before you can even think of it...burn the bridge and blow away the ashes. My philosophy is: if you can strike a match, be able to handle the fire.

So, you know good and well I was beyond surprised when a former co-star reached out to reconnect and came with an admission that they weren't very nice to me. After I moved away from the "floored" look, I was stuck contemplating how to pose the question: are you dumb or just really stupid?

And of course, since music is my life, Janet Jackson's "You Want This" enters my mind: "you want this, but do you really think that you could get this? At first you dissed this now you want to kiss this?" I know you're like me, ready to shake your hip, to the booty slap, and yell "too late...you missed this."

Once that door is opened...all the questions come flying in: what do you want? Why are you here? Why now? If you didn't want me then, what makes you think I want you now? Can I trust you? Can we get along without retaliation? Start over, again?

I'm always growing, improving, and evolving; in constant change (for the better); if it wasn't right then, how is it supposed to be right now? You either have an agenda or you're on a mission; and don't even think I'm about to be your distraction. Homey doesn't play that...AT ALL (unless you have a profitable agenda of your own).

I don’t do any day, any time, or any place. Get it right the first time and quit wasting time. I'm more of a one-time only; come right or stay home kind of guy.

I'll think about it this time around; but, maybe next time.

Cover

WAKE UP! It's time to throw back the covers, plant your feet on the floor, stand up, and look around. Sleeping too long can cause you to rush out of bed and overlook important signs. Are you the only one sleeping with your man? It may be time to blow the cover and see the situation in its bare nakedness; and either check your man or milk it for what it's worth.

While the interest in relationships seems to have disintegrated to hell, the belief and act of committed relationships and the adherence to marriage vows seem to disappearing along with it. It's 2011; technology is progressing, but people aren't socially or emotionally. People are still afraid to show, express, and stand up for who they really are. The DL (Down-Low) life is so old and stale, I just knew it wasn't relevant; but, it somehow morphed into a 'politically-correct-homosexual-all-encompassing' "men who sleep with men." Now, it seems to me, a majority of the men (and other men like them) who were sheepishly using that description are now describing themselves as "straight," but still engaging in not-even-close-to-straight (sexual) behavior and activities.

Ladies, I'm going to help you out...these are your boyfriends and your husbands; many of whom, I'm sure, if you're paying attention to them have some (remote) idea or inclination as a lot of these men aren't as concealed as they believe themselves to be. Ideas to ponder and look for: Is he hard to reach when you're out of town, randomly going places with "one of the boys" at odd times, have a new best male friend appear out of nowhere, or have a close male friend who's wife/girlfriend you've never met (or who's wife/girlfriend you end up spending more time with than you want because the men are always putting the two of you together)? It may be time to get rid of the cover. I see and hear about this stuff far too often; it's sickening and maddening. Many of these men are smart with their slickness but aren't smart enough to know the difference between "discreet" and "discrete." Discreet is now synonymous with deceit, dishonesty, and drama. Neither of which I do or tolerate.

So...COVER, or better yet: what's going on underneath [no punctuation mark]; I'm leaving it open so you can decide for yourself: 1) Is there something going on underneath? 2) Something is going on underneath. Which ever you decide, the "cover" has been on too long and the time has come to blow the top and see the situation in its bare nakedness; act now...before something hits home. It may not be your man keeping you warm at night; but, instead, something from your man..

Ladies, get your girls together; it's time for a movie night! Pop some corn and gather around the couch with a few bottles of wine. The movie to see if Bill Duke's "Cover." Marriage. Betrayal. Secrets...and Lies.



To those men who are hating on me and disliking what I've written about this craziness, I say screw you. If you're man enough to like dick, you should be man enough to live up to it and come out of the closet. No one's holding you back but yourself.

Easter Hors d'œuvre: Spicy BBQ Lobster Deviled Eggs

Nothing spells Easter like a Fourth-Sunday Sunrise Service Fashion Show at church and an Easter Egg Hunt. Until today! Considering I didn't get in bed until 5am, I didn't see me making it to any body's 6am Sunrise Service, but don't worry...Whitney Houston did 'take me to church' (i.e., "I Love The Lord," "He's All Over Me," "I Go to the Rock") during a private service --- I mean, concert. It's widely known that I don't have any kids (and how I feel about that situation) and Easter Hunts are not my thing; therefore, I didn't see me sitting around dyeing any eggs. So, to fix my eggs for Easter needs...I decided to do deviled eggs to go with my dinner.

I wanted to try something different from my usual sinfully delicious deviled egg recipe, so I got resourceful and creative. The results? Some deviled eggs that are out-of-this-world-Imma-bout-to-smack-a-few-peoples-mamas goooood! And because I am not stingy (and because it's been requested), here's the recipe. Now, don't hurt yourself or anyone else...and prepare to get your finger-licking on!

Side note: I'm assuming everyone knows the basic principles of making deviled eggs, so I didn't give detailed instructions on how to do every step. If I have to describe how you boil an egg or slice an egg in preparation for deviled eggs (and forbid I have to tell you to peel the hard-boiled egg), we may have to fight.

SPICY BBQ LOBSTER DEVILED EGGS

Ingredients:

1 doz large hard-boiled eggs

2 tbsp fresh parsley

2 tbsp chopped scallions

1 tbsp cilantro

2 tbsp chopped chives

1 tbsp Dijon mustard

1/3 c canola mayonnaise

1 tbsp hot pepper sauce

8 oz chopped lobster/crab meat

2 tbsp mesquite smoke bbq sauce

Salt & pepper (to taste)

1 tsp red pepper flakes

Pinch cayenne pepper & chili powder

Paprika

Directions:

Slice the dozen hard-boiled eggs in half; lengthwise. Mash the hard-boiled egg yolks in a bowl. Add next 12 ingredients to bowl with egg yolks. Mix together. Fill the halved egg whites with the yolk mixture (a teaspoon full works perfectly). Sprinkle each filled egg white half with paprika. Refrigerate for at least two hours; then serve.

HAPPY EASTER!