Let's Talk About Sex

Sex.
You know it? (I'm hoping for a 'yes.')
You've had it? (Keeping my fingers crossed.)
Good...let's talk about it. Okay, maybe not about IT, but something in relation to it.

Like: why does sex make people lose their damn minds? I'm not talking about game time "I'm in a state of euphoria I can't think straight." I'm talking about pregame, full-blown, kray-kray crazy!

Is it the lack of sex or the hunt for sex that puts people in a whole new, leveled-up element. All of this multiple personalities and fifty shades of nonsense is too much. I can't take it...and the dating world doesn't seem to be handling it well, either.

I'll admit: I've tried pretty much every form of dating and have met folks through all of them. While many of the methods have sucked, so have many of the dates, and most of the people I've gone on dates with, but...I digress.  The most interesting and entertaining aspect of it was stumbling upon a few of those I've gone on dates with on a few of the other platforms.

•  Example: Mama's Big Rusty Baby
• Let's say I'm introduced to Mama's Big Rusty Baby via a friend/coworker; we chat, we connect, we go on a date...I no longer speak to that friend/coworker, change my SSN, move out of state, and have my mail/email marked "undeliverable."  I then run across MBRB at a lounge/bar, at a sporting/social event, and on an online dating site.

Four different environments with MBRB and four different personalities; each belonging to MBRB...all with one goal: sex. Aside from them doing and saying things from another planet and only makes sense to logical sense to them, additional craziness comes about when you try to put all of these personalities together to form one person; each personality has a different mindset, different interests, and different beliefs...and remember it's all the same person. Each encounter puts a blank stare on your face, because you have no idea what to think of this person, while they swear they are being cute, persuasive, irresistible, flattering, and about to get them "some."

What goes on in people's minds when it's clouded with sex? Common sense does not seem to exist when the possibility or pursuit of sex is present. Randy Gage once said, "When you let your sexual thoughts control you, you lose all focus and purpose."

I can kinda see it; people end up all over the place...doing and saying things they really should not be, but think it's all peaches and cream. Even the professional quacks know that you gradually unleash the whackness over a period of time; not all at once or over a two-week time span.

Meanwhile, back in Myville, I'm trying to figure out how to process all of this and still see them as normal. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. It's pretty much an overload...and near impossible. I've given some the benefit of the doubt; only to be reminded that crazy is abundantly available.

At which point and where does one present their true self to someone they are trying to get to know...and have sex with? You know, when do people really put the real them on display and become that comfortable, natural sexy? The real key to getting that mind-blowing sex that really makes you kray-kray for sugary snacks.

Dribble, Dunk, or Get Off the Court

Yelling from the sidelines. Jumping up-and-down on the bleachers. Making a whole mess of noise. Why?  Do you need attention that badly or can you back those words up?

There's nothing worse than someone who can talk a lot of game...or worse, a good game, but can't play worth a damn. Just a bunch of hot air; wasted.

As the saying goes, "don't let your mouth write a check your ass can't cash," because you will be bounced all over the place and laughed out of town. Jokers are only loved on stage.

Don't just talk; play the game! If you can't, do everyone and yourself a favor and go have several seats in the stands. Scream, shout, jump about, and wave your foam finger from there.

Life is not about words; it's about actions. Talking will only get you so far, it's your actions that get you where you need to be and keep you there.

Don't just say it...DO IT!

See you at the Championship.

New Year. New You?

2013 is well underway. How's it working out for you thus far? How are you different this year than you were last year? Where do you want this year to take you and what do you hope to achieve?

Resolutions. Did you make any? What are they? Are you still on track to satisfy them?

Yes, I know, a lot of questions. I'm asking because this is all about YOU. I want you to look at and within yourself; know who you are...accept who you are...love who you are...and be happy. Get to happy if you're not there. Define what happy is to you and claim it, grab it, embrace the hell out of it!

The new you doesn't have to be brought on by a drastic or life changing measure; it can be small. My challenge for you is to do something to make a positive change in your life that gets you closer to happy or allows you to experience a deeper, greater, and more fulfilling happy.

Grow, develop, expand your horizons! Make the you of tomorrow different from the you of today. Do something you've always wanted to do, something someone said you could never do, something you've never thought of doing, or put on your grown-folk drawers and do something you are afraid to do. Don't make me double-dare you! 

I'm waiting to meet the new and happier you.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...

2013 is on you.  Make it count!

**champagne wishes**

Friend(s) vs Friend(ly)

Yes, there's a difference. Do you know it?

As defined by Dictionary.com:

• Friend: [noun] a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
• Friendly: [adjective] characteristic of or befitting a friend; showing friendship

Many people either don't know, fail to realize, or are incapable of exhibiting a solid demonstration of what it takes and means to be a friend; a real friend. Friendships require cultivation, an investment of energy and intimacy (self and trust), and time to grow and blossom. Maintenance is then necessary for it to be sustained. Neither a fort nor a foundation are built overnight; likewise, affection and personal regard for another takes times to build and solidify.

As for being "friendly," most execute these characteristics effortlessly; and don't get me started on those other categories (i.e., acquaintance, associate, that's just someone who...) as those affiliations are accomplished with such precision they are impeccably flawless. To be friendly, all it really takes is a smile, a wave, and possibly the occasional "hello."

Know what you want.
Know what you can give. 
Know what you deserve. 
Know how someone best fits into your life...if at all.

The Christian Grey Effect

Fifty Shades of Grey is still the saucy water-cooler topic of the moment and it's still making people sweat from reading it and blush at the mention of it. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps it is because people assume what it's about before reading it or because people have been living sheltered lives and have been sexually restrained (no pun intended) or inexpressive for far too long. Either way, I pass no judgement. I'm reading the trilogy; or rather, I should say...I'm *still* reading the trilogy. It's a fight and struggle...one I'm desperately ready to overcome.

Don't get me wrong, it's great to see a "romance" novel that reads more like a traditional fiction novel, but I can only take so much boredom. And...hell-to-the-yes...Christian Grey is a dream; with his flaws and all! Yet, while he's making ladies (and some guy-loving men) flip their tops, he's highlighting the many shades of crazy in the men folk. In a way, it's a blessing in disguise as it makes one aware of the BS and nonsense when they see it and know when to walk away.

You know what I'm talking about. Those 'men' who want to call all of the shots, make all of the decisions, and have you do and act as he says in ways that please him.

• The man who wants to talk non-stop and expects you to listen without interrupting (most likely because he doesn't think you have an option of value); yet, he's not saying anything of substance...and likely just tooting his own horn and singing his own praises.
• The man who wants to dictate and determine whom you can have as friends. Opposite-sex friends are a definite NO; despite the fact they have been in your life prior to him and will likely continue to be in your life AFTER him.
• The man who expects you to be conservative in the streets and a freak between the sheets. Wait, isn't that every man?
• My personal favorite, the man who wants you to eat when he eats and what he says to eat. Better known as, the man who orders for you ,but doesn't know what you want. Yes, he's ordering what he wants you to eat. Which could be cool...under some circumstance...but is definitely not hot when he orders you a steak and you're a vegetarian.

Doesn't that sound like the delish and scrumptious Christian Grey, CEO? For the most part, it is. Now, imagine it's the guy sitting across from you. Is he Christian? If he's not, get up and walk away. Don't say anything; just get up...and go. Don't let anyone come into your life with Christian Grey tendencies without delivering the Christian Grey benefits:

• The American Express "Black" card
• Puts thousands of dollars in your account so you will have pocket change
• Turns you inside out, right-side up, and any which way but loose
• Provides a personal trainer and personal shopper for you
• Begs you to spend his money...and smiles when you do
• His eyes only see you

All of the others and their various shades of fxck'ry and fxckedupness...do yourself a favor and send them back to Harry Potter and Dr. Seuss.  

You can do bad all by yourself...and you don't need their craziness to boot.

Online Dating Profiles: What NOT To DO

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and often times we just get too damn much…of nothing; which is the case when it comes to online dating. It’s downright fright-ten-ning! People are crazy; I mean serial-crazy. And the pool of crazy people far too often consist of people who have no intention of giving online dating an honest try because they are skeptical of the entire process, people who “try” online dating because they don’t want to pay for sex, people who have zero social skills and think they can get by and hide online, people who are just crazy and clueless, and the 1% who would be worth getting to know…if only they hadn’t just met someone else or just gotten out of a long term relationship two weeks ago (which leads us to another category of “people who shouldn’t be looking for love, but are).

But enough of that, let’s get to the good stuff…it’s both interesting and helpful. For those who decide they want to register with an online dating site; the below offers great tips on what to/not do. For those who are giving it a whirl, it lets you know what to keep out of your profile and alerts you run far away from people who have this stuff in their profile.

Ready…set…let’s go!

First and foremost: Do NOT register with an online dating service if you aren’t open to the possibility or have no intention of meeting someone in-person/offline. I mean, really, what’s the point?

Do not get confused between a dating site and a sex site; you may see the same people on both sites, but they serve two totally different purposes and mindsets.

Summaries:

Don’t tell ALL of your business; some things are best left unsaid…until the appropriate time – like you’ve been dead for six weeks and the truth is finally starting to be revealed.  I’m kidding, but some things do not need to be shared with someone who’s never actually met you.

That being said, do not write your autobiography, either; keep it brief and intriguing…leave something to talk about later. If your profile looks like it could take someone 20minutes to read, they’ve already lost interest.

Be consistent. If you're going to bend the truth on a subject matter, be consistent with it throughout your profile and throughout the rest of your life; as it will follow you until you decide to let the truth set you free. Let me tell you a story: there was a young guy who selected "Bisexual" as his sexual orientation when he registered his account, he then proceeded to describe himself as a "Straight Jewish Caucasian." It may just be me, but something about that just doesn't sit right with my spirit.

Also, your profile summary is not the place to air out your laundry list of wants, preferences, and demands…keep those for your friends (the real ones).

I’ll reiterate…it’s a summary, NOT your autobiography.

Photos:

     Sadly, online dating is mostly about the physical attraction, so your profile pictures should not be appalling, but appealing. Meaning….DO NOT:

• Post a picture of you in a doctor’s office receiving medical treatment for an injury.  Definitely don’t make it your main picture!
• Post pictures containing other people; especially if they are more attractive. (Blur the faces of others or crop them out completely.) 
• Post bad quality photos: dark, from a distance, grainy, only shows a portion of your face (if at all)…all of these indicate you are trying to hide something and a sane person should stay far away from you.  In addition, NO NUDITY! 
• Post pictures that are embarrassing, bizarre, awkward, or down-right questionable. Pictures can show personality, but use some discretion and sound judgment. 
• Display a picture of an ex with the caption: I have had successful relationships in the past; references available upon request.  Most relationships are successful…until they FAIL. 
• Share a sole picture of your grandmother on your dating profile without an extremely valid explanation. 
• Post pictures of you being intimate with others. 
• Showcase pictures of you in your underwear if: 1) they are dirty 2) they are drooping/sagging/stretched out 3) you have grandchildren and/or adult-aged children.
• Caption each of your photos beginning with the words: Here we are... Especially, if you're the only person in the photo.

Side note: It may, also, not be the wisest or most effective thing to wear a shirt that says “I [heart] Black People” … if you’re not Black.

Usernames:

People seem to lose their damn minds here; or think they are being cute and/or creative. GET HELP PEOPLE!

Some I’ve seen that just say “NO” or are counter-productive/ineffective:

Ashy_like

JustLooking

TryAgain (I totally wanted to say “Why bother? Game over!”

HuskySexyCool (if you’re on an online dating site, you are too damn grown to be using the word ‘husky’ to describe yourself)

To Whitney, With Love

To exhale.

To bow out.

To end a note.

That feeling of emptiness you get when something wonderful comes to an end. 

I never imagined I would be writing this post, but we've lost a national treasure...an icon...a legend; and I've lost a special part of me, a special part of my life. Whitney "Nippy" Elizabeth Houston -- the unprecedented, the incomparable, and one of (if not) THE greatest (female) vocalists of all time. There will never be another.

Style, talent, beauty, and grace; the gold, platinum, and diamond standard for all she represented. A voice so magical; we all wanted to be her. She made her performances seem effortless and fooled many into thinking they could do justice to a "Whitney song." 

Whitney Houston did more than hold a note; she gave it life, filled it with emotion, and told a beautiful story. Oprah Winfrey coined Whitney "The Voice"; as her voice was like magic; fluid, crisp, and multifaceted.  No one could deliver a song like Whitney...she could bend a note like an actress can bend a line. When Whitney sang; you listened...you didn't want to move, you didn't want to breathe. Her audiences respected her vocals and gave most of their thunderous applause only when she paused during a song; often looking out over the audience and smiling. Actress Jenifer Lewis summed it up so perfectly, so beautifully: "When Whitney Houston opens her mouth to sing, she is The 8th Wonder of the World."

In one of her hit songs, she sang 'it would take an eternity to break us; and the chains of Amistad couldn't hold us.' This perfectly describes my adoration and love for Ms. Whitney. Sadly, I never had the honor to meet her, but we're bonded indefinitely through her music and her voice; her talent a permanent pillar of strength and encouragement in life.

Whitney Houston, My Diva: I look to you...I run to you...and I will always love you.

You were loved. You are loved.

Forever and always.  May you rest in peace.

xoxo