Online Dating Profiles: What NOT To DO

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and often times we just get too damn much…of nothing; which is the case when it comes to online dating. It’s downright fright-ten-ning! People are crazy; I mean serial-crazy. And the pool of crazy people far too often consist of people who have no intention of giving online dating an honest try because they are skeptical of the entire process, people who “try” online dating because they don’t want to pay for sex, people who have zero social skills and think they can get by and hide online, people who are just crazy and clueless, and the 1% who would be worth getting to know…if only they hadn’t just met someone else or just gotten out of a long term relationship two weeks ago (which leads us to another category of “people who shouldn’t be looking for love, but are).

But enough of that, let’s get to the good stuff…it’s both interesting and helpful. For those who decide they want to register with an online dating site; the below offers great tips on what to/not do. For those who are giving it a whirl, it lets you know what to keep out of your profile and alerts you run far away from people who have this stuff in their profile.

Ready…set…let’s go!

First and foremost: Do NOT register with an online dating service if you aren’t open to the possibility or have no intention of meeting someone in-person/offline. I mean, really, what’s the point?

Do not get confused between a dating site and a sex site; you may see the same people on both sites, but they serve two totally different purposes and mindsets.

Summaries:

Don’t tell ALL of your business; some things are best left unsaid…until the appropriate time – like you’ve been dead for six weeks and the truth is finally starting to be revealed.  I’m kidding, but some things do not need to be shared with someone who’s never actually met you.

That being said, do not write your autobiography, either; keep it brief and intriguing…leave something to talk about later. If your profile looks like it could take someone 20minutes to read, they’ve already lost interest.

Be consistent. If you're going to bend the truth on a subject matter, be consistent with it throughout your profile and throughout the rest of your life; as it will follow you until you decide to let the truth set you free. Let me tell you a story: there was a young guy who selected "Bisexual" as his sexual orientation when he registered his account, he then proceeded to describe himself as a "Straight Jewish Caucasian." It may just be me, but something about that just doesn't sit right with my spirit.

Also, your profile summary is not the place to air out your laundry list of wants, preferences, and demands…keep those for your friends (the real ones).

I’ll reiterate…it’s a summary, NOT your autobiography.

Photos:

     Sadly, online dating is mostly about the physical attraction, so your profile pictures should not be appalling, but appealing. Meaning….DO NOT:

• Post a picture of you in a doctor’s office receiving medical treatment for an injury.  Definitely don’t make it your main picture!
• Post pictures containing other people; especially if they are more attractive. (Blur the faces of others or crop them out completely.) 
• Post bad quality photos: dark, from a distance, grainy, only shows a portion of your face (if at all)…all of these indicate you are trying to hide something and a sane person should stay far away from you.  In addition, NO NUDITY! 
• Post pictures that are embarrassing, bizarre, awkward, or down-right questionable. Pictures can show personality, but use some discretion and sound judgment. 
• Display a picture of an ex with the caption: I have had successful relationships in the past; references available upon request.  Most relationships are successful…until they FAIL. 
• Share a sole picture of your grandmother on your dating profile without an extremely valid explanation. 
• Post pictures of you being intimate with others. 
• Showcase pictures of you in your underwear if: 1) they are dirty 2) they are drooping/sagging/stretched out 3) you have grandchildren and/or adult-aged children.
• Caption each of your photos beginning with the words: Here we are... Especially, if you're the only person in the photo.

Side note: It may, also, not be the wisest or most effective thing to wear a shirt that says “I [heart] Black People” … if you’re not Black.

Usernames:

People seem to lose their damn minds here; or think they are being cute and/or creative. GET HELP PEOPLE!

Some I’ve seen that just say “NO” or are counter-productive/ineffective:

Ashy_like

JustLooking

TryAgain (I totally wanted to say “Why bother? Game over!”

HuskySexyCool (if you’re on an online dating site, you are too damn grown to be using the word ‘husky’ to describe yourself)