THE DISTRACTION! Don't let this be you

It's time to wake up and smell The Folgers! There's a new role in town! Ok, so, it's been around for a while, but we finally have an understanding of it, a description of it, answers for questions surrounding it...a name for it: THE DISTRACTION.

We've all been called "the distraction" in one form or another. Wrecked our brains trying to understand what it meant; confused ourselves trying to decide if we should be flattered or insulted. As we already know...we Good Folk...never win in this game of 'love & dating,' so it shouldn't be anywhere near surprising that "the distraction" [said ever-so sweetly] is an insult. And when said nicely, probably makes it the grand insult, cause then it's like a bitch-slap in the face to go along with it.

Distractions are never good enough to be The One, but possess attractive qualities that are alluring and tempting; you know, worth a taste but not a purchase. Let's take a trip down memory lane; along the way we'll recount the times when you (or someone you know) was THE DISTRACTION:

• Never took you home to meet Mama
• Never met the close/best friends
• Introduces you as "a friend" or "coworker"
• Won't formerly commit
• Sideline Ho (i.e., The Side Piece)
• Rarely go out in public together
• Constantly mentioning recent relationships/ex-lovers
• Just out of a relationship
• Booty-calls only
  
• The ever-too-popular arrangements: friends w/ benefits, f-buddies, etc.
• The Rebound
• Doesn't invite you over
• The String-A-Long (i.e., Let's be friends, I'm not sure what I want)
  

A note to the soon-to-be-wise: if you ever feel as if someone's giving you attention only to take their mind off someone or something else....they're playing you as The Distraction. I'm warning you, now; they will be nice, smooth, and gentle about it. It will sound genuine, but it won't be; it's a game, a charade, an act, an escape...a means to an end. As someone recently explained to me, "there is no need to be rude, especially to someone who finds me fuckable." This is, of course, until the deed is done...then all hell breaks loose and the rudeness is rampant.

If you come across a scene or script where it appears you may be portraying The Distraction...run like the wind! You deserve better; keep it moving!

Do YOU!

Somebody's Nobody: Good, But Not Good Enough

I consider myself Classic Chic; meaning I'm modern with an old-fashioned foundation. I know things change with time; I embrace trends, I like to be up-to-date. However, with this flexibility and adaptability, I believe that certain foundations and principles should maintain their basic values over time.

Relationships.

As the songs goes, 'nice work if you can get it.'

I believe in flirting. I believe in dating. I believe in knowing someone's name (first and last) before they are all-up-in your bakery tasting your cookies. Yes, I'm a believer in a lot of things Romantic. But, that's just me...figuratively speaking, but it also appears to be literally speaking. No one dates any more and people run from relationships like it's the plague or their income taxes. I was actually involved in a conversation recently where someone shared two things: 1) they didn't date and 2) they were frightened when someone asked them out on a date. I mean...really? Stupid is as stupid does, but how silly-fied can you be?

I guess exceptionally silly, because this leads me to my next point...open relationships. What...in...the...ham sandwich...!? What is an open relationship? What's the purpose? Nothing says "I'm good, but not good enough" better than an open [long-term] relationship. The open relationships I've seen aren't even valuable enough to be "of convenience." The investment will never yield a return. So, why are so many people playing this role? (For feigned convenience. To say they have someone.) What's to get from it? (Stress. Disrespect. Drama.) Would insight offer any learning value?

Many open relationships seem to be one-sided; one-partner agrees to keep the other partner in their lives. Listen to me, some things (and some people) aren't worth holding on to. If you have to suffer, lower your standards, or change your beliefs...let them go. They have a power over you and are using it to their advantage. Someone having power over you creates defiance; when you're defiant...it's time to get moving. Never get trapped in love with someone who doesn't think you're somebody special.

If you're in an open relationship, be smart about it; make sure the partnership is equal...you're each getting what you want out of the arrangement (I like "arrangement" better than "relationship"; going back to my 'old-fashioned' foundation).

Somebody's Nobody is Anybody's Fool. Stop being Somebody's Nobody and start being Someone to Somebody.

MY LIFE IN MUSIC: Soundtrack to Me 2010

Relax, I'm not singing ... or 'attempting' to sing as some of you may say. My Life in Music is the soundtrack to my life over the past year. A small collection of songs that shook my world, captured my emotions, reflected aspects of my personality, contain lyrics that touched my soul, or just repeatedly made me shout "That is my song!" every time I heard it. Yes, these are the songs that reflected me in 2010. It's a solid collection; some of the songs you may already know...the others you should definitely review. The artists are all wonderful. As I always say, to me music is a therapy: it relaxes me, it inspires me, it becomes my voice to express myself when I cannot find the words. I present to you .... MY LIFE IN MUSIC: Soundtrack to Me 2010

• I Am Changing - Jennifer Hudson
• Finally Got the Nerve - Patti LaBelle
• Hurt Again - Mary J. Blige
• Sometimes I Cry - Eric Benet
• Impossible - Shontelle
• Shoulda Let You Go - Keyshia Cole
• Let It Flow - Toni Braxton
• What's Up Lonely - Kelly Clarkson
• How Will I Know - Whitney Houston
• Religious - R. Kelly
• If It's Magic - Stevie Wonder
• Tuck Me In - Kimberly Scott
• Holding You Down (Goin' In Circles) - Jazmine Sullivan
• New Day - Patti LaBelle
• I Live Here Now - Kelly Price
• Exhale (Shoop, Shoop) - Whitney Houston
• Long Goodbye - India.Arie

Remember, the 2010 soundtrack is the second installment; 2009 was the beginning. ;-) Put your life to music. What are your tunes?

Happy New YOU Year!

New year.
New attitude.
New outlook on life.
A whole new you?

Resolutions are electrifying the air. Self-promises are being made. Declarations of encouragement are being tossed out and thrown upon unsuspecting friends and followers.

December 31st and January 1st are all about intentions; what we intend to do to make ourselves better. How a new day and the turn of a clock and give us the energy, strength, and drive to turn our lives around and put us on the path from which we veered.

The real question lays in the "what do we do, now?"

Transforming the current you to the new you; we've stated what we want...we've promised ourselves to get there...now determine the best route. The point which promises become plans isn't clear; thus it frequently never materializes. Declarations should become steps of action; what we have to do to get to where we want to be and how we get there.

Dream it.
Claim it.
Live it.

Look in the mirror.
Take that first step.
Make a change.
Repeat as many times as necessary.

Travel safely; travel smartly. Get to a New You...you have a year.