Replaceability

To the left? To the left?

Yes, it could be you doing The Step, because Ms. Beyonce has far too many people thinking they are irreplaceable...when they really are not. Many of those same "irreplaceables" are 'sides,' but just don't know it. (Yes, a side...like mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, sauteed garlic green beans, and a garden salad. You know, when you aren't the entree; just a little something extra....on. the. SIDE.)

Don't get lost and twisted thinking you are going to be around for a minute when you can be gone in a second. Know your Replaceability Factor (the level it would take for you to be honestly, happily, equally, and satisfyingly replaced....of course, this is to the replacer).

• Know your value (what you bring to the table, what you stand for/believe in, and what you represent. How much do you mean to another person?)

• Your uniqueness (what separates you from the competition; the skills/qualities/attributes/talents that give you an edge)

• Grow (be open to change and be willing to try new things)

• Value your partner and your relationship/partnership

• Know your partner and be aware of the competition

Knowing your partner consists of being aware of their likes, dislikes, needs, and wants...they are not all one-and-the-same. Any one of them can lead to you being replaced; and not necessarily by something you deem equal in comparison, but by something they deem equal or by something they see capable of delivering what they desire. Lack of fulfillment is typically the lead reason for replacement.

I say this, not because I love the song "irreplaceable" (which is ages old), but because many people are clueless and have no idea they are replaceable and a lesser idea of what could be their replacement. Also, because I am itching to see someone's reaction when they discover they have been replaced by a moderate thread count body pillow.

People, I beg of you...GET IT TOGETHER!

If you think you are irreplaceable; are you really? Know your Replaceability Factor?

My Life In Music

Let me take you back...way back...back to the beginning of 2009, when I announced MY LIFE IN MUSIC: THE SOUNDTRACK TO ME. The idea was to capture songs I came across throughout the year: songs that were old, songs that were new, songs that shook my world and captured my emotions, or songs that I just couldn't get out of my head. I figured they would be songs that reflected a part of my personality and who I am as a person and songs that pertained to various moments and stages of my life over the course of 2009. The result? An amazing collection! (another one of those moments where my results even impress me.) The selections range from new songs that make you want to dance and sing to older songs that are still relevant, touching, and inspiring today.

Music is a big part of my life. Granted, I can't sing a lick and haven't played an instrument in years...but I love music. To me music is a therapy: it relaxes me, it inspires me, it becomes my voice to express myself when I cannot find the words.

I present to you...the listing to what I consider "MY LIFE IN MUSIC: THE SOUNTRACK TO ME [2009]":

• Through the Times - me
  
• Walk Away - Christina Aguilera
• Cursed - Vivian Green
• Stand Up - Jennifer Hudson
• Enough Cryin' - Mary J. Blige
• One Moment In Time - Whitney Houston
• Getaway - Monica
• Somebody's Somebody - Christina Aguilera
• If You Could See You Through My Eyes - Kenny Lattimore
• Damn Your Eyes - Etta James
• Lost Yo Mind - Beyonce
• The Heart of the Matter - India.Arie
• Fistful of Tears - Maxwell
• Invisible - Jennifer Hudson
• Paparazzi - Lady Gaga
• No Fool No More - En Vogue
• I Didn't Know My Own Strength - Whitney Houston
• Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson
  

What's on your soundtrack?

Not Built To Break

Solid. Durable. Indestructible.

I'm not talking about a building, a wall, or a new shield or protective product, but SELF....self-power, self-esteem, and self-strength. We are only as strong as we know and allow ourselves to be.

We are the foundations to our own individual empires. We must strengthen and position ourselves so our empires cannot break. We can do this by reinforcing our structure with pride, confidence, and an understanding of our weaknesses. Knowing our weaknesses, increasing our self-confidence, and nurturing our self-pride will allow us to stand strong.

Coming to know my strength has made me a better person. I know my weaknesses, my strengths, and my limits.

I sometimes trip, I sometimes stumble, I rarely fall, and I never crumble.

A special "thank you" to Whitney Houston for teaching me the importance of knowing my own strength and for giving us all the powerful phrase and motto: "I was not built to break."

Approach with Caution

I've said it before; now, I'm saying it, again: People have lost their damn minds. Especially in regards to decency in dating. What is going on? I have no clue; which is why I'm grateful for having established my personal "rules" years ago. Call me a diva if you want, but I cannot do the craziness. A long time ago, I had to break it down for people...

1. Don't bother me
2. Don't speak to me unless I have given you permission
3. Do NOT touch me

The list goes on, but it's beginning to look like I'll have to add a few more rules and include some side notes. I don't know if it's the use of the internet or the social acceptance of more relaxed behaviors that has encouraged people to do things that piss me off or if it's caused people to be bold and brazen with their actions. What ever the cause, I'm stating it here and now:

1. Approach me incorrectly and I'm shutting you down
2. Approach me for no reason at all and I'll show you how I "walk on by"
3. Approach me with your game together and, well...be prepared to lose your breath

Back to those who have lost their minds. People, I don't know what's going on, but....

• Don't send me messages that say "call me [phone number]." I know I'm a celebrity, but I have no idea who you are...what makes you think I want to call you? Try a proper introduction.
• Don't send me one or two word messages with pictures of body parts that are normally covered by clothes and none of body parts that are typically open to the public. That's just nasty...and often frightening.
• Don't stare at me and not say anything.
• Don't walk up to me and ask to kiss me or state other actions you would like to enjoy. I DON'T KNOW YOU...and I don't get down like that. I'm classy.
• Don't push up on me in a club with the bump-and-grind motions. I'm too grown for that and I know your mama taught you better than that.
• DO NOT approach me with crazy lines talking about I remind you of a car or your bank account. I don't even know what it means, but I'm sure it only works for R. Kelly and it probably only works for him because he has the bank account and cars (take note of the 's' denoting the plural form of the word).
  

I, mean....really? People, let's do better. A few months ago, I posted a piece mentioning other reasons (ok, more less people) as to why I am (still?) single. The above are simply more contributions and explanation. I'm telling you, it's all a bunch of crazy -ish.

You've been warned: I'm hot as fire and about to explode...APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

Guidelines to Good Dating

or in other words: The Rules. Are there any rules? A few years back there was that popular book "The Rules" (I believe that was the name of it). Notice it was a fad. I mean, is it even still in print?

People have been dishing the dos and don'ts of dating since what seems like the beginning of time (not that I've been around that long), and dating now seems to be worse than ever. Especially if you're looking for something .... shall we say... [insert those dreaded "s" and "c" words (i.e., 'serious,' 'committed') here].

For each attempt we make at dating, we enter it with a new game strategy without having the slightest clue as to what will work...but you can't tell us that it won't work. We learn from TV and movies (despite the fact that most of it is fiction -- as in, it's what someone else's imagination wanted it to be), from the lives of those around us (they screwed up this way, but I can make it work for me), and from our previous attempts at love [in all the wrong places and times]. We end up taking from the good, taking from the bad, taking from both the good and the bad, and we end up with (ok, "the facts of life"), but still...it is all essentially NOTHING.

While we're playing our game, we forget that our target/person-of-interest is playing their own game. I guess it's when we get caught up in playing offense and defense simultaneously that we lose focus, trip, and stumble.

So, do you really want the Guidelines to Good Dating? Are you prepared to handle the cold truth? You better get ready, cause I'm about to tell it like it is.

These are the Guidelines to Good Dating according to Yours Truly. These guidelines are fool-proof and must work; not because they've been tested...not because I've tried them in my own [single] love life or observed them being used by someone in my life...but because they make since to me. So, do them right!

1. Be yourself
2. Be open to learning and accepting things about your person-of-interest (POI)
3. Be honest -- with yourself and with your POI
4. Don't start your involvement with any preconceived notions or expectations
5. Keep your standards, but let them be flexible (no, preconceived notions or expectations does not mean lose your standards)
6. Be ready to accept and embrace (positive) change
7. Have fun!

These are my guidelines. Stick to them and do what's best for you. Don't hurt yourself (or anyone else); show interest in your POI, but don't stalk. That's neither cute nor sexy.

A Change Will Come

Change. It's inevitable; it will come.

The key is for you to be prepared and ready to accept and make the best of it.

For growth, change has to come. There always comes a point where it's time to make something different what it is and what it could be if left as is. As individual people, we are constantly evolving, growing, and changing. With that, we need the people and the things around us to change, as well -- in a positive manner that reinforces and supports who we are, what we represent, and where we strive to reach.

I prefer to think of degeneration as a change for the worse. We can't go for that! It is our personal responsibility to guide and shape change into something positive; something that elevates us to a height we have yet to experience and will act as a new platform for us to achieve greater altitudes in the future.

Change will come. Change will be different. Change can be frightening, but do not be afraid. Guide change. Shape it. Make change what you want it to be.

A change is gonna come. Are you ready?

E. Lynn Harris **NEW Novel** Mama Dearest

Help us take Mama Dearest, by E. Lynn Harris, to #1

MAMA DEAREST available in stores and online Tuesday, September 22nd.



MAMA DEAREST marks the return of Yancy Harrington Braxton. Need I say more?