Confession of a Faller

There's a song that, essentially, states...
in a world where dreams are few...love can sometimes wear you out...chill your soul...make you doubt...that you'll never find the one that's true*

Taken a bit further...love can also make you scream, make you shout, and have you jumping around and shaking all about. That's the bottom; it ain't cute. I've been there...now I'm working my way back to the top.

I confess...I'm a fool for love; cause I keep falling. The higher I have to physically look up, well...you get the picture. But I'm reformed, now; I think.

I know we can fall in various areas of our life. I live everyday trying to keep from falling, but I admit that I have stumbled a few times and on a few occasions I have actually fallen in love. Exactly, two times too many. Foolishly and inexplicably, I have spent most of the past year and a half of my life loving someone whom it seemed stopped caring (notice I said caring; that's because he never made it to loving) me around Week 2. Ask me how I could love him all this time knowing how he felt and how he currently feels about me, and I can give you many different answers...all of which would probably only make sense to me.

There were many moments where I consciously knew it was time for me to let go, let flow, and do me; yet, I stayed around foolishly hoping and wanting for something that would never come to fruition. Well, I finally hit rock bottom. It came in the form of an electronic slap (aka...email) that informed me that he had allowed his ex (the same ex he was in love with while he was dating me; the same ex a few months ago it was paining him to be in love with; the same ex....well, I could go on for a while....) to move in with him, again. That was yesterday.

This is today; I'm a fool no more! My journey to a higher elevation has begun. I've set my boundaries and picked up my pieces; I'm moving on.

Leaving the baggage and emotions behind No more wasting my time On something that will never be mine Got a good momentum goin', and I'm not gon' stop Taking me from rock bottom all the way to the top

I'm not sure if it's gravity, but I already feel lighter; like a burden has been lifted or the hag has been thrown off my back. Maybe it's the new air that's lifting my wings. Either way, I'll fly like an angel and aspire to be like Maya...
"I rise. I rise. I rise."

Y'ALL BETTER WATCH OUT, NOW!

*Not the exact lyrics, but the song is "I Belong To You." Words and music by Derek Bramble and Franne Golde. From the Whitney Houston album, I'm Your Baby Tonight.

Touched...And Not By An Angel: Reasons Why I'm Single

"Touched...and not by an angel" is a little, special saying I like to use to describe people I come across in my life who are one, more, or all of the following: special, dropped as a child, 10 eggs short of a dozen, crazy as hell, done lost their damn mind, or "I don't know what it is, but something just ain't right." There was a time in my life where I ran across a few of these people on a daily basis. I don't encounter them as frequently, anymore...and that could be a good thing.

The bad part; when I run across them now, it tends to be in personal (i.e., dating) situations. To the naysayers, I'm not male-bashing because: 1) I'm male and 2) the things I am about to say are the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth---with my own special flair. You may remember most or all of these, but here's a recap and entertaining reasons why one would subscribe to their 'issues':

*Mr. Take My Advice. Age 30-something (now, who the hell cares?). Reason to subscribe: Big on giving unsolicited (and thus unappreciated) advice, even to people he barely knew and for situations he wasn't well informed about. Funny thing is, he couldn't seem to guide is own life. His words, "My advice doesn't work for myself, only for others." My advice to him: COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. I hate to say this about my gay brethren, but he was rather obvious. I mean, honey-chile was a spark short of being a blaze. On FI-YAH!

*The Playwright. Age 49 (now, 52). Reason to subscribe: He was a waiter for a catering company but considered himself a playwright because he wrote a skit (and yes, I did say SKIT and not PLAY) for his family when he was.....12. Also, I don't mind people being into the 'natural body odor' thing, but I still need you to bathe on a daily basis. It's just uncouth; like fake hair...it ain't natural.

*Mr. Too Damn Grown for That. Age 29 (now 32). Reason to subscribe: Freaks out in groups of 3 (including himself) or more, at times above and beyond annoying, and poor social skills. On the flip-side, he's warm, caring, and friendly--if you can get passed the M&M candy-coated shell he's put up around himself. Nevertheless, if you're 6'5"and over 200lbs, I'm going to need you to not act like a 2 year old when we go out in public...especially if I happen to take you to the Louis Vuitton (love me some LV) store with me. I don't do embarrassing moments! Respect that. Remember that. And don't forget that.

*Monsieur Poland Springs. Age 35. Reason to subscribe: NONE. Skip this publication. Who complains about bottled water? More specifically, the individual bottles of water versus the gallon size; yet despises the in-home water coolers. Crazy as hell!

*Mr. Racial Fetishist. Age, I have no idea...30s, 40s? Never dated this freak, just someone life through in my path. See the January 2009 post "A New Kink?" for the full story.

*The Lads of the "I Love You But I'm Not In-Love With You" Society. Age, various. Reasons to subscribe: Puns and other plays on words, good to laugh with and laugh at. Apparently, this is the one-line in every guy's repertoire; yet, many don't seem to know the meaning of the words: exclusive, honest, loyal, committed, agreement. Sadly, words they tend to use on a frequent basis. Warning: they appear to be decent guys (and have great, appealing tendencies and qualities) and are generally fun to be around. Friendships are better than relationships with these "members-only" jacket wearing brethren.
*Just Plain Crazy. Age, 39 (now, early 40s). Reason to subscribe: Never a dull moment. It was always surprising to see whom I would be going out with: Mr. I'm Always Right Yet Always Wrong, the one who apparently did the voice-over for Alvin & The Chipmunks, or the Interior Decorator of all NYC spaces. Had a recent encounter with this Bag-o-Fun; I think there's now a new personality...Mr. Calm and Tranquil (on the outside), but probably better suited as My Shrink Wrote Me A Prescription. Valium, anyone?

*Mr. Dessert For Dinner. Age 47 (now, not sure. He's been 47 for a few years). Reason to subscribe: He has lost his damn mind. He thought I was about to give him my freshly-baked cookies cause he bought me dinner from Chipotle and ice cream from Ben & Jerry's; totaling about $14. Absof***inglutely not!!! He obviously had me twisted and confused with someone else.

As you can tell, I've been around the Crazy As Hell Funny Farm; and this isn't all...just the most entertaining. Ironically, one of the above was joking with me and said a similar "Touched..." phrase. It's mean, yet wickedly funny. He said if it wasn't an angel who touched them, perhaps it was an uncle. CRUEL; but I like it. Sadly, he may have been revealing something about himself. I was passed the point of caring about him, so....I left.

The new 'Vitamin D' -- Penis Power

We all know the penis has a controlling mind of its own; it’s caused a lot of men (and some women) to do things that range from ‘crazy as all hell’ to ‘down-right stupid.’ The penis has also been known to start fights (so fiery they are worthy of being called a wars), destroy homes, and choke people.

The source of the power of the penis is unknown and mysterious, but in numerous occasions has led to obsession, addiction (or rather, addicktion), and other changed in physical and mental behavior; especially when contact with the source is experienced in regular, repeating patterns. With that said, it takes a certain type of stable individual with strong emotional, physical, and mental health to compete with the power of the penis.

Penis (consumed, ingested, exposed to) on a regular basis has been hailed as “life-changing.” It, supposedly, increases your energy level, helps you concentrate and focus, helps improve time management and organization, and encourages you to enjoy the smaller things in life. (Why does it sound like a new form of crack or some wonder drug that people have been seeking for years???)

Now, don’t get me wrong…I am truly me being me, so you know I’ve sat and contemplated this. I honestly, don’t get it. Considering the fact that I have a penis, I must need another one because as far as I can tell, I (i.e., me using the brain in my head) am the only source controlling my life and behaviors and am experiencing none of the above mentioned results.

I’ve been around others whom I would say could have possibly been (and may still be) under the influence of penis, and well…it’s not cute! The side effects and attachments that usually come along with penis, one could mostly do without: drama, craziness, dizziness, stress, hypertension, aggravated nerves, and stupidity…among other things.

If “Penis Power” could be controlled, FDA-approved, and available over-the-counter or via prescription by someone like Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth…we could be on to something.
Then, again, knowing the history our society has with abuse and the role of the penis…is the world really ready for more than a handful?

Carrie Bradshaw and Me

Love, labels, the love of labels, and a walk-in closet the size of Chelsea. We all have our reasons for living and dreaming in New York City. Coincidentally...or because of great taste...my main reasons happen to resemble those of Carrie Bradshaw--the fictional fashionista and columnist we've all come to know and love thanks to Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex and the City--does that give people the right to want to adorn me with the "I'm a Carrie" tee or title?

Granted, our interests and characteristics to run somewhat deeper...
In addition to our core of friends--I, too, have my Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha (as a matter of fact, I have 2 or 3 Samanthas)--we're both fashion conscience and forward, old-fashioned with a modern twist, and deep romantics at heart. For me, when I say deep romantic, I mean I have values I won't sacrifice and standards that I refuse to lower. Call me a diva and say my standards for love are unrealistic if you want, but I will see stars and sparkles, hear bells and whistles, and be engulfed by twinkling lights, hearts stopping, and bombs bursting in air. When it happens, don't be jealous...Carrie found her Big, I'll find mine, too. I've been to the point where "I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty." (That might have been last weekend, but that's another story.) Please note--and don't forget or misinterpret--this doesn't mean I'm after the ring or the long white train. I've already said...it's all about the walk-in closet, labels, and 100xx ZIP code.

Throughout all of this, I do believe many compare Carrie and I for our personalities and our love and style of writing -- the way we share our musings on life, relationships, New York City, and anything else that needs to be addressed (ok, that may be all mine; we have to have our differences somewhere); but, let's not get 'carrie-d' away. All of this doesn't mean I have an inner Caroline Marie Bradshaw. Does it?

Bobby Brown Bailout

You know, if this stuff is true, Bobby Brown just needs to forget about singing and do a movie based on his life. Someone couldn't even begin to imagine some of the stuff he's supposedly gone through in his life in order to write about it. Hence one of the reasons Being Bobby Brown was such a success.

Recently, it was reported that there's a new tell-all book that mentions how back in 1993, my #1 superstar Whitney "diva-originale" Houston, allegedly paid $400,000 in ransom money to a gang that had kidnapped then-husband-and-love-of-her-life Bobby. Supposedly, Bobby didn't pay a dealer $25,000 for some cocaine he had acquired. Another report said that Bobby was naked and hog-tied at the gang's hideout.

Trying to add some clarification on this; from what I gather, it was a transfer of debt (so to speak): It seems as if the gang paid off the $25,000 debt to the dealer, then kidnapped Bobby, and held him for ransom.

I have no idea is this (any or all) is true or not. You know how much I adore me some Whitney, so if he paid I'm not necessarily mad at her. Trust me when I say this, I know that when we're in love with someone we can do some crazy things....but $400,000 is A LOT of moo-lah! Would it not have been cheaper to pay the $25,000 and possibly another $25,000 for a new flow and let them keep Bobby???? Do you have any idea what I could do with 400k? I'm talking Louis Vuitton shopping spree, obtaining that Dolce & Gabbana overcoat I've been drooling over, paying off student loans, getting a Wii, AND getting the Wii-Fit to go with it.

To those of you I love dearly and those of who you think I love you...do not get kidnapped and be held for ransom. If you do, don't be surprised or alarmed if I send you a care package with a note along the lines of "It's been nice, but...." he he he SMOOCHES!

*Please note that I do not condone, encourage, or participate in the usage of illegal drugs/substances.

A Thin Line Between Networking and Stalking

Friendster. Myspace. LinkedIn. Facebook. Twitter. The next networking community that's yet to be announced. It's online networking the new way of living?

It's frightening! From dating to stalking...people are doing everything online; and I do mean everything. People are telling their business (whereabouts, private thoughts, random thoughts of which no one else really cares about), having affairs, and doing other things online they wouldn't normally do in everyday life. While I'm waiting on someone to get caught by their own actions and self-release of information, I'm completely surprised by how people are finding the time to do it all. It's exhausting and time consuming--even for someone like me. For those who do the w.o.r.k. thing or have k-i-d-s; I'm impressed. Having to update profiles, upload pictures, comment on the pictures of other's, feeling the need to write on someone's "wall," sending out a "tweet" update, or remembering to Myspace or Facebook the person you met at the bar last night and may want to go out with next week (or ignore for eternity)...time consuming! I dont get it.

I'm curious as to when this networking convenience is going to come back and haunt someone. We all know that most people aren't good at judging their behavior or the appropriateness of things they say...especially at the crucial times when a filter is highly recommended and could be of substantial use. These networking sites update in realtime and some of them are capable of being linked (i.e., you can link your Twitter account to your blog); people nonchalantly post where and when they are going to be places. I would write more into this, but I'm sure you can connect the dots. I'm waiting on CNN to announce a story with some "networking turned stalking" headline. Cause I'm sure someone is going to Myspace someone when they should have called, texted, or Facebooked them; then the other person is going to be pissed and write something all on their wall -- their bed/bathroom wall (not Facebook wall), in red lipstick. Afterwards, they'll be standing outside in the rain looking through restaurant window where the other person's Twitter account said they'd be having dinner with their significant other.

I cannot! But, also...I can't wait, either.

Movie Review: Duplicity / I Love You, Man

DUPLICITY (Clive Owen, Julia Roberts)

Skip it. It drags at times, it's predictable, and it has Paul Giamatti. I went with a friend and a fan to see this movie; we were finished discussing it by the time we walked out of the cinema's lobby doors. We had brunch together and didn't feel the need to mention the film...at all. The stars are the high points of the movie. Clive Owen is simply delicious and Julia Roberts is as charming, as always...sometimes you just want to give her a hug.

I LOVE YOU, MAN (Paul Rudd)

Fun-nay! I haven't laughed so hard since Madea did something, I'm sure. The chemistry among the actors come across with ease, the dialogue is on-point comedy, and the film is an all-around feel-good movie. Paul Rudd has always been an immense talent; I'm glad his star is finally starting to shine. Andy Samberg portrays Robbie, Paul's brother in the film, and is just "oooooooh cute." Makes me want to get an Equinox Fitness gym membership. See this movie: in theaters, on dvd...see it in theaters and buy it on dvd...I don't care...just make sure you see it.