Guilt and Free Dates

Money and time -- items in life practically everyone wants more of; there never seems to be enough and we can never seem to have enough. Love, or at the VERY least, a good date, is on the list for many people, as well.

All of my fellow NYC peeps and others who live in big cities and/or have chaotic lives filled with time-consuming responsibilities, these are just things we add to our Life List and deal with it. City-folk and busy-folk...we know how and love to kill two birds with one stone, which is why I was SHOCKED to hear one of my friends say she would find it weird to take a date to something for which she was given complimentary tickets...AND SHE IS FROM NYC. W...T...H!?!? I am a sexy Southerner and it did not take me long to realize that dating in NYC is not cute...or fun; although, it can be oddly entertaining. I was quick (but not that quick) to discover that 98% of the people you go out with (on a date) in attempts of getting to know them are...crazy...as... hell, plus two. They will talk a good game, but have no idea how to actually play. They say the things you want to hear, but they will talk until they sound stupid.

My favorite are those who enjoy learning about and experiencing culture; yet, they hate museums, have never been to a Broadway show (or any theatrical piece), think art galleries only exist on television, and refuse to eat anything that cannot be beaten over the head or doesn't resemble something their mother cooks at least three times a month. Now, what a better way to test the "culture" level of your date than by taking them to a "comp'd" event? You get to do something you enjoy and test them...all for F-R-E-E! It's priceless. No Mastercard required.

If you want, you can do something simple (and cheap) before or after; as in coffee/tea, appetizers, or dessert. I recommend doing something simple post event -- that way, the event gives you a subject to discuss and if you find out during the event you can't stand your new suitor, you can bolt after it's over...or during; your choice. You should really try this; I'm sure your date won't mind. If you feel bad about it not costing you anything: 1) don't tell them and 2) if there are tickets involved, have the tickets in your possession at all times and do not let them see the tickets [keep in mind, this is most useful if the tickets indicate that they didn't cost you anything. There's nothing to lose! If anything, the only thing you'll lose is the time you could have spent being with someone you already know/like/love. But think about it...now you can call one of those people and rant about the date...laughing and praising together.

So, your night will still end on a high note!

If you still feel guilty about taking a date to a free/comp'd event, you don't deserve the tickets. Send them to me! You know I like public appearances and VIP invites. [smile]

Social Impact Marketing: A Funny Thing Happening on My Way to...

...Jamba Juice.
It was somewhat near lunchtime. I was on my way to get my food fix. Lookin' flyy; being cute as ever...color-coordinated ensemble in effect and my orange scarf to make it pop! Clearing paths and making my way down the street; no one walking beside me or in front of me, and are at least 4 steps back. Quasi-Naomia Campbell Walk? Not much sashay-chantay...just what comes naturally; which is enough for me to find it unbelievably hysterical when the guy attempted to hand me a flyer advertising "Flash Dancers." What am I supposed to do there...get paid to take my clothes off or get paid to keep my clothes on????

And that's my funny moment of the day; at least, so far. It ain't over...!

Why You Wanna Get Funky On Me?

I am me.
I have always been me. I will always be me. Point blank, plain and simple, that's all there is to it.
There are some people who have at least one problem with me: they can't handle me, think I'm mean, think I hold people to impossible standards, or some other foolishness. I say....get over it, deal with it, or move the hell on. I don't expect much of people...just to be themselves, act accordingly, and to do what they say they are going to do. Do that and we'll get along wonderfully. However, with "just be yourself," comes the understanding and assumption that people bathe daily. It should be a personal ritual, people. If it's not...get on it and make it one. Your body should be thoroughly cleansed, at least once a day. Twice daily doesn't hurt; and yes, there are times when three times a day are required.
Yesterday was a mid 70's day, temperature wise. Summer hasn't officially started yet, so it's going to get hotter. THEREFORE, there is NO need for people to be smelling already. I mean, this wasn't just a smell, it was a stinch. P-U. Ewwww.

General notes:

• If it's 8am in the morning (or some other time of the day) and you're on your way to work; you should not smell and you should not be dirty
• Apply an even coat of deordorant; if you don't use deordorant, DO NOT raise your arms in the presence of others
• Shower/bathe at least ONCE daily; more if needed
• You don't have to smell like roses or lavender, but natural musk isn't the way to go
• Like stupidity, stink ain't sexy

Yes, this is my public service announcement: STOP THE FUNK! Make the world a better smelling place.

Jet-Setting

Okay...I'm sitting in an airport waiting for my flight back home. I'm trying to contain myself, cause we all know how much I like waiting and how exciting it is to sit in airports. [rolls eyes] Anyway, me being me...as I sit here (dressed quasi-celebrity incognito...with a bright yellow jacket) I'm people watching, and I realize...I either need to travel more or travel less; I'm not sure. What I see isn't the most appealing site. Every flight I take seems to involve fellow travels who make me want to sleep: at the gate, during the flight, as I take my very public means of transportation home. I mean, really, I know airlines are cutting back...we had mini pretzels sticks on the departing flight from NYC...no more peanuts or promotional snacks that make you even think of purchasing them once you land....but can we at least get some decent "eye" candy???

Although, this morning...I'm not complaining...yet. So far, no loud, screaming, or crying kids. AND...an added bonus...no one coughing, sneezing, or uncontrollably gawking at me.

Can't wait to see my seat mate. Should be f-u-n. (smile)

Loud Words; Screaming Actions

60 seconds in a minute. 60 minutes in an hour. 24 hours in a day. 365 days in a year. For many people...this isn't enough; need. more. time. Five minutes...just give me five more minutes.

In a world where time is money, money is time, happiness is an illusion, success doesn't come with a guarantee, satisfaction is a desire constantly trying to be satiated, work is overrated, and bills are never ending...spare time is a luxury many can't afford. And seems to be the one thing the government (or a company using as a marketing strategy) hasn't instituted a bail-out for. So, with that said...what's with fan-stand game players? Unknowingly to themselves, they seem to have a vast amount of disposable time. They are always willing to waste other people's time, yet they are the primary screamers of: I'm swamped; I'm busy; I have so much to do. Puh-leeze. The only thing you have to do is get a clue and stop wasting time.

For those who don't know, fan-stand game players are those who consistently waste your time with foolishness, talk too damn much, and think the shortest distance between two points is a curved line. They are the people who talk a "great" game; I mean, they seem to know the rules, they could write a "tips and tricks" ultimate user guide, AND they promote and publicize like you've never heard before. They could sell Voss to someone drowning in the ocean. The problem...when they step to the plate to play the game. Zilch! They can't play worth a cuss, but still think they have skills. It's one of those moments when the audience goes silent, you can here the wind blowing, and the prime time to say and think, "Sit...your...ass...down."

I understand people overcompensate, but why exaggerate when you aren't good at playing the game? YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME! And those who feel the need to run around the field before they go to First Base. W...T...F!?!? YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME! Actually, you're wasting both of our time. Be upfront, say what you want from the get-go. That way, a strategy can be developed and if the teams want to play...game on! If not, scrimage around until you can find a suitable, opposing (yet complementing) team. Don't make me want to slap you. Again, stupid ain't sexy. Say what you want and want what you say.

PSA: If you're one of these "fan-stand game players," I'm here to help. Streamlining, organizing, and ingefficiency are a few of my specialities. Contact me. I'll get you to a better organized, time-efficient, and less-annoying YOU!

All for a relatively less affordable and exclusive price.

The Power of O

Yes, orgasms are powerful, but I'm talking about the other 'O'; the Big O....Oprah.

Admit it, the woman has it going on; far too many people want to either be her or be like her. Practically everything she touches turns to gold -- unknown authors and unheard-of books become bestselling authors with New York Times #1 Bestselling Books, diets become popular trends and healthier lifestyles, and coupons cause chaos over chicken. CHICKEN! Ok, it was KFC Grilled chicken, but still...chicken, y'all. Someone said it was billed as a chicken dinner; so, what does that mean...two pieces and a biscuit; maybe some coleslaw or mashed potatoes and gravy on the side? I don't care, I still don't see me standing in line for it; especially if I have to partake in a sit-in or weave my way through a parking lot that looks as if it's an outdoor night club because are so many people trying to redeem a coupon...for some damn chicken. I may not be Aretha, but ain't no way!

But I am not mad at Ms. O; that is truly nice work....and I'm definitely trying to get it! Besides, even I have my own list of favorite things. Hey...it's the Oprah in me.

If You Don't Fit...

...DO NOT SIT! It's really as simple as that, yet far too many people don't seem to understand it.

Here's the thing...on the newer and newest subway trains (the MR60's, I think) in NYC approximately three average sized adults can fit in each section (excluding handicap accessible seating). Depending on the size of the seat occupants, 4 to 5 people can sit. In some of the extreme cases I've seen, you can comfortably fit two grown-ass adults (I mean, grown...really 'grown'--read between the lines on that one) and a small child (like 3 years old) in a section. Now, will someone please tell me why is it that there is always some grown-ass person who feels to need to sit someplace they can't fit??? My hip is small and fragile, I do not (let me repeat that...DO NOT) want you sitting on it; despite how cute you are (or think you are), how small you are...DO NOT SIT ON MY HIP. Today was something else...still unbelievable. Two healthy-looking adults were seated; leaving a small space (perfectly suited for a child) between them. Why-oh-why...someone please tell me WHY did some moron feel the need to squeeze between the two of them...which caused one to be squeezed into the side rail and the other to push me over--and you know I don't like people touching my body. The looks on the faces of the people sitting across from us said two things: 1) I feel sorry for you and 2) She knows good and well she is far too grown to be sitting there. And said 'Grown Person' sat there like she was in a state of heavenly comfort...just waiting on someone to peel her a frozen grape. Rush Hour in NYC...gotta love it.