Not Built To Break

Solid. Durable. Indestructible.

I'm not talking about a building, a wall, or a new shield or protective product, but SELF....self-power, self-esteem, and self-strength. We are only as strong as we know and allow ourselves to be.

We are the foundations to our own individual empires. We must strengthen and position ourselves so our empires cannot break. We can do this by reinforcing our structure with pride, confidence, and an understanding of our weaknesses. Knowing our weaknesses, increasing our self-confidence, and nurturing our self-pride will allow us to stand strong.

Coming to know my strength has made me a better person. I know my weaknesses, my strengths, and my limits.

I sometimes trip, I sometimes stumble, I rarely fall, and I never crumble.

A special "thank you" to Whitney Houston for teaching me the importance of knowing my own strength and for giving us all the powerful phrase and motto: "I was not built to break."

Approach with Caution

I've said it before; now, I'm saying it, again: People have lost their damn minds. Especially in regards to decency in dating. What is going on? I have no clue; which is why I'm grateful for having established my personal "rules" years ago. Call me a diva if you want, but I cannot do the craziness. A long time ago, I had to break it down for people...

1. Don't bother me
2. Don't speak to me unless I have given you permission
3. Do NOT touch me

The list goes on, but it's beginning to look like I'll have to add a few more rules and include some side notes. I don't know if it's the use of the internet or the social acceptance of more relaxed behaviors that has encouraged people to do things that piss me off or if it's caused people to be bold and brazen with their actions. What ever the cause, I'm stating it here and now:

1. Approach me incorrectly and I'm shutting you down
2. Approach me for no reason at all and I'll show you how I "walk on by"
3. Approach me with your game together and, well...be prepared to lose your breath

Back to those who have lost their minds. People, I don't know what's going on, but....

• Don't send me messages that say "call me [phone number]." I know I'm a celebrity, but I have no idea who you are...what makes you think I want to call you? Try a proper introduction.
• Don't send me one or two word messages with pictures of body parts that are normally covered by clothes and none of body parts that are typically open to the public. That's just nasty...and often frightening.
• Don't stare at me and not say anything.
• Don't walk up to me and ask to kiss me or state other actions you would like to enjoy. I DON'T KNOW YOU...and I don't get down like that. I'm classy.
• Don't push up on me in a club with the bump-and-grind motions. I'm too grown for that and I know your mama taught you better than that.
• DO NOT approach me with crazy lines talking about I remind you of a car or your bank account. I don't even know what it means, but I'm sure it only works for R. Kelly and it probably only works for him because he has the bank account and cars (take note of the 's' denoting the plural form of the word).
  

I, mean....really? People, let's do better. A few months ago, I posted a piece mentioning other reasons (ok, more less people) as to why I am (still?) single. The above are simply more contributions and explanation. I'm telling you, it's all a bunch of crazy -ish.

You've been warned: I'm hot as fire and about to explode...APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

Guidelines to Good Dating

or in other words: The Rules. Are there any rules? A few years back there was that popular book "The Rules" (I believe that was the name of it). Notice it was a fad. I mean, is it even still in print?

People have been dishing the dos and don'ts of dating since what seems like the beginning of time (not that I've been around that long), and dating now seems to be worse than ever. Especially if you're looking for something .... shall we say... [insert those dreaded "s" and "c" words (i.e., 'serious,' 'committed') here].

For each attempt we make at dating, we enter it with a new game strategy without having the slightest clue as to what will work...but you can't tell us that it won't work. We learn from TV and movies (despite the fact that most of it is fiction -- as in, it's what someone else's imagination wanted it to be), from the lives of those around us (they screwed up this way, but I can make it work for me), and from our previous attempts at love [in all the wrong places and times]. We end up taking from the good, taking from the bad, taking from both the good and the bad, and we end up with (ok, "the facts of life"), but still...it is all essentially NOTHING.

While we're playing our game, we forget that our target/person-of-interest is playing their own game. I guess it's when we get caught up in playing offense and defense simultaneously that we lose focus, trip, and stumble.

So, do you really want the Guidelines to Good Dating? Are you prepared to handle the cold truth? You better get ready, cause I'm about to tell it like it is.

These are the Guidelines to Good Dating according to Yours Truly. These guidelines are fool-proof and must work; not because they've been tested...not because I've tried them in my own [single] love life or observed them being used by someone in my life...but because they make since to me. So, do them right!

1. Be yourself
2. Be open to learning and accepting things about your person-of-interest (POI)
3. Be honest -- with yourself and with your POI
4. Don't start your involvement with any preconceived notions or expectations
5. Keep your standards, but let them be flexible (no, preconceived notions or expectations does not mean lose your standards)
6. Be ready to accept and embrace (positive) change
7. Have fun!

These are my guidelines. Stick to them and do what's best for you. Don't hurt yourself (or anyone else); show interest in your POI, but don't stalk. That's neither cute nor sexy.

A Change Will Come

Change. It's inevitable; it will come.

The key is for you to be prepared and ready to accept and make the best of it.

For growth, change has to come. There always comes a point where it's time to make something different what it is and what it could be if left as is. As individual people, we are constantly evolving, growing, and changing. With that, we need the people and the things around us to change, as well -- in a positive manner that reinforces and supports who we are, what we represent, and where we strive to reach.

I prefer to think of degeneration as a change for the worse. We can't go for that! It is our personal responsibility to guide and shape change into something positive; something that elevates us to a height we have yet to experience and will act as a new platform for us to achieve greater altitudes in the future.

Change will come. Change will be different. Change can be frightening, but do not be afraid. Guide change. Shape it. Make change what you want it to be.

A change is gonna come. Are you ready?

E. Lynn Harris **NEW Novel** Mama Dearest

Help us take Mama Dearest, by E. Lynn Harris, to #1

MAMA DEAREST available in stores and online Tuesday, September 22nd.



MAMA DEAREST marks the return of Yancy Harrington Braxton. Need I say more?

Ex-Boyfriend Material

2 Days.
2 Weeks.
2 Months.

The length of some of my best (in my opinion) relationships. Okay, maybe not 'the best,' but definitely the duration of a [quality] few that I thought should have lasted longer than their expiration date. But, that's just me; obviously, others thought otherwise.

After being involved with someone and whatever you have fizzles after two weeks...and this happens so often it seems to be a trend...you begin to understand the phrase "always a bridesmaid, never a bride." With that, me being me and all that I am, you know I have to dress this up a little bit...make it modern and trendy ... so we'll say "Ex-Boyfriend Material." It's hip, it's cute ... and I'm looking for a way to make it British. Okay, I'm, but wouldn't that make it even hotter???

Ex-Boyfriend Material. Think about it...it's perfect and it's smart. Tells you everything from the get-go: All you've ever wanted without the hassle of a long-term commitment -- a dream partner!

Caring
Thoughtful
Considerate
Respectful
Loyal
Generous (but don't get it twisted, I don't give away certain things and I don't support all causes)
Communicative
Compassionate
Educated
Romantic (when I want to be)
Honest
Sincere
and much more; including 'full of life with my own personal flair' -- it's all about the personality!

I never fully understood what was going on in my life; then, I realized I was overlooking my value and what I offer. I'm the new it guy...and never knew it! No one ever told me despite the fact they seem to have been hooked to the game. But I got it, now; I'm on it! I know...if these are the qualities that make me Ex-Boyfriend Material, I don't want to be Boyfriend Material.

Sad, but true.

smh

High Standards: The Markings of a Closet Sadist?

Decide what you want. State what you want. And don't settle for less. I don't see anything wrong with that; it's who I am, it's what I do...it's me!

I'm all about the specifics and details. Why waste time with the mundane or settling for something that doesn't satisfy your requirements? What's the point? You're only going to spend time trying to improve beyond repair or waste even more time trying to get what you're actually searching for.

Others don't understand; they criticize saying my standards are too high or I'm searching for an ideal. In a way, they're right. I'm always searching for an ideal; not because I'm deeply rooted in misery and unhappiness, but because I'm a perfectionist -- I'm constantly searching for the perfect piece to complete the puzzle--my puzzle! I search for my ideal; no one else's. What's right for me, isn't going to be right for someone else. Understand that!

A closet sadist? For knowing and going after what I want? I know not. If anyone is being tortured, it's me for dealing with those who know they can't fulfill the requirements, but still want to be in the way. Wasting time...and torturing me softly.